Recent reviews by Phlewyd

Lots of fun, co-op multiplayer!

Outstanding single-player, multi-player (although still alpha, as of the time of this review) is a little buggy, but holds great promise, and, in general, is faced-paced hacking/slashing/casting RPG'ing fun.

Character classes include a Necromancer-like fellow that utilizes minions spawned from fallen enemies, a chainsaw-wielding/♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥/hillbilly/redneck, a flame-throwing maniac Pyromancer, a sword-wielding/turban-adorned Nomad, and a Samurai, complete with sword and martial arts.

All the relics/upgrades one obtains along the way are great rewards for NOT DYING... however, be warned, once you DO die, they are all LOST for that session/character (however, the fact that you once obtained them remains in a "relic repository/history").

I'd like to be able to start with one or two that have been previously found. Charms are also found along the way from slain minibosses/bosses that spawn after every 5th game (or so).

Dungeons spawn, as do Treasure Forts (to buy stat-boosting enchantments/potions/etc.), and I'm sure I'm forgetting a number of other items that this game features... but, for the money, this game is a blast.

Although there are frequent updates to the game, I'm having a difficult time rationalizing why I might play this game over a different one.

Sure, it plays differently than many of the newer games out there (after all, aren't 90% of all the other, more modernly-produced games out there, having been/being created... otherwise known as FPS-type games? If not, give it time; I'm sure one is in the works...), bringin' back the memories of fun and excitement from back in the day, with old-school, side-scrolling, 8-bit-style graphics, helping to remind us how far we've strayed from the core concepts of what constitutes an enjoyable, personally-fulfilling, worthwhile video game, like replay-ability, adventuring about an epic, unique, innovative, highly-imaginitive, and immersive world, playing a key role in deciding the fate of an entire planet, race, population, story, background, plot, which can only be successful with a skillful, highly likeable, popular, beautifully Fabio-esque leader, such as yourself, spear-heading and driving the overall conflict to it's ultimate resolution?

Including a boss, or better yet, SEVERAL bosses, that are fun-to-murder-many-times-over-because-their-death-animations-have-since-enabled-me-to-die-with-the-sense-that-I-have-now-fully-lived-a-worthwhile-existence-or-at-minimum-will-now-allow-me-to-sleep-more-than-2-hours-in-a-given-day?

And shouldn't it also remind us that good games don't necessarily have to have absolutely stunning, 4D-graphics and eleventeen quad-processor video cards networked together in RAID MODE 16xSLI.googlemachine.com, all boiling, melting, coalescing together into a semi-conductive mass of melted plastic, solder, and silicon, while the aforementioned cycle repeats infininity-jillion times at 250% overclock in a magically-delicious, foreverlasting/infinite/self-sustaining pool of liquid plutonium, which, in theory, should enable the dualloparallaxically-positioned positron-emitters to be thrown into reverse, while you and Egon cross the streams, resulting in total protonic reversal, sending the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man back to Hell or the nearest, convenient parallel universe, while Marty and Doc Brown evade the machine-gun-toting Libyans and their Volkswagen Bus full of life-impairing equipment, and work to dial-in your brand-new, never even conceptualized until just now, dual-flux-capacitor-driven, 1.21gigawatt PSU, cranked-up to full-blast, after being freshly-installed in your "Mr. Fusion Edition" DeLorean?

Well, I got news for you. As for me, my taste in games, and my ADD-plagued personality, which requires occassional mild to moderate cognitive stimulation to achieve and sustain a personally-acceptable state of livlihood, enjoyment, and an overall reason to allow my own DNA to persist and replicate in this dimension, at least through bedtime, and hopefully, until I wake up the following morning, when I might be able to re-evaluate my life's thresholds for pain tolerance, stupidity tolerance, tolerability tolerance, and goals/factors/contributors that may affect my perception of personal well-being/health/desire and status for long-term survival/enjoyment...

... This game just isn't doing it for me. At first, it was fun, and even up through writing this review, I can see why this game has appeal, in being a semi-unique-style of game, with RPG elements and a few other, nifty features. Unfortunately, it isn't fast-paced, immersive, or interesting enough to hold my attention for much longer than an hour, and the controls/menus/keyboard shortcuts aren't simple enough, and the menu system is not customizeable to a great enough degree for me, and doesn't allow for convenient/intuitive access to the game's key features, menus, items, and shortcuts (in other words, to me, things do not feel organized (or, even more importantly, ORGANIZE-ABLE, in a logical, easy to navigate system of higher-level menus, with powerful and helpful information available immediately upon request, that is reliable, updated frequently, and quickly searchable).

If I wanted to eat, I'd walk to the kitchen and grab some food. If I had to poop, I made a point of listening and paying attention while being potty-trained at age 2, so I wouldn't embarass myself in front of my peers by squeezing out a fresh round of turds, while telling a story about how starving I was from making a conscious decision to ignore my body's most fundamental nutritional requirements, resulting in either cannabalism or consumption of my own errant feces, which would both eventually and ultimately lead to my demise from infection/lack of hygiene/lack of providing my body with any substances which it could easily metabolize into useful, metabolic fuel, which has a tendency to promote the persistence and viability of any living organism.

If this was the DeLorean's old cassette tape deck that, when last used last back in 1990, had smoked, produced a thick, burning-hair-scented cloud of recently de-comissioned cassette tape contents, and subsequently began spitting out it's remaining quarter-mile-length of impossibly-untangleable, unwound cassette-tape, which, during happier/more functional times, used to contain a replayable copy of your favorite Sir-Mix-a-Lot album, "SWASS," it has since been replaced with a highly-functional container of replenishable, fresh facial tissues.

In case you were wondering, Sloth from "The Goonies" does not make a guest appearance (as of writing this review, anyhow... this is subject to change, as is the tone and content of my entire review, upon updating and enhancing the game to include Sloth, screaming, "HEY YOU GUYS!!!", while stabbing the main sail of One-Eyed Willy's pirate ship, riding his knife as he slides down, shreds the sail to tatters, and lands on the main deck, flexing his ears, one at a time, while condemning his mother to the depths of hell with a soul-crushing, eye-bleeding, brain-blending, hair-pullingly-painful example of silver-screen performance perfection, which somehow, had been completely overlooked as a multiple-Oscar-worthy piece of motion-picture-observational-commentary genius, "MAMA??? YOU BEEN BAD!"

The years of anguish, torment, and rage that had plagued Sloth for his entire life, will finally overwhelm him, fueling his already towering inferno of uncontrollable madness, until he erupts in a violent blaze of glory, sending fire, brimstone, molten lava, lightning bolts, laser beams, ninja swords, broken glass, Good and Plenty's, and 1000 kilo-ton neutron bombs everywhere in every direction at once. Only Sloth, Chunk, and One-Eyed Willy will survive this devastating blast (but unfortunately, shortly after, One-Eyed Willy will perish in a freak act of cannibalism by both Sloth and Chunk). The End. Oh yeah, as for this game and my review... I'd like to conclude my review by mentioning, "At minimum, if you were also sort of let down by this game, I hope you found this review of the game at least mildly entertaining. I got bored while playing it, motivating me to write this, instead. Which was kinda fun, I guess." 5/5 stars, for eventually leading me through the drudgery and boredom of playing this game, and into to the path of enlightenment and entertainment, when motivating me to write this review (although, I get the impression that the developers were hoping that the players of this game would take a different route/perspective...).