"ohh dont mind me im just having a shower"

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"Only if you... eat that doghnut"

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, obviously never tried to slam a revolving door."

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women."

"I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse"

"You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder."

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

"I do not fail, I just succeed backwards."

"A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws."

"Theres plently more sea in the fish."


6 Truths
1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.
2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.
3. And discover that the first truth is a lie and feel superior because they can do it.
4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.
5. You soon will copy this for another idiot to read.
6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."

"A Friend Is Someone Who Will Bail You out of Jail, but Your Best Friend Is the One Sitting next to you Saying 'That Was F***ing Awesome!' "

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(='.'=)...............:¨·.·¨:
(")_(") Bunny....`·..·`

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Female Combacks For Pick Up Lines
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do Not Enter

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes... they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book,too.

Man: The word of the day is legs so let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Woman: YOU ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! (smashes a bottle over his head and storms off)

Man: How you doin'? (Think Joey from FRIENDS)
Woman: I suddenly feel quite nauseated. Go away and I'll feel better.