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Ringmaster at the Video Game Circus
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The four bandits jumped the monk, but he responded by beating their ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ heads in with his bare hands. All four dudes ended up getting their faces wrecked as the Ethiopian hardass gave them an epic beatdown of Biblical proportions. I like to imagine that the main theme from Halo was playing in the background while this was going on. Moses took the thugs down, tied them up, and dragged all four of their pummeled carcasses to the main altar of the monastery, where he threw them down at the feet of the horrified/astounded monks. When the senior brother looked up at Moses with his mouth hanging open, Moses responded by basically saying something to the effect of, "I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be very Christian of me to kill these punks, so what do you recommend we do with them?"

When the goons finally came to their senses, they were impressed not only that Moses had caved their faces in with his Holy Strength +5, but also that he didn't just kill them on the spot. Moses and the monks offered forgiveness to the men, and they actually decided to convert and become monks themselves.

Saint Moses was killed in the year 405 when his monastery came under attack by a marauding band of Berber warriors. The 75 year-old Moses managed to evacuate 70 monks from the compound before the attack, and he remained behind with seven others to defend the holy artifacts. The elderly Ethiopian cleric was slain by the invaders and declared a martyr and a Saint by the Orthodox Church. Nowadays he is considered a patron saint of forgiveness and nonviolence, which is actually kind of impressive considering the fact that he used to work as a face-stabbing brigand leader and once beat the snot out of four dudes at the same time with his bare knuckles.

Personally, I prefer to think of him as the Patron Saint of Mushroom Cloud Layin' ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

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