Attack on Titan: Wings of Freedom: Legs of Liberty: Flapping arms of independence is pretty cool, I guess.

In a world where humanity hides behind three walls so they don't get eaten by larger naked people, Attack on Titan is essentially the dream world of that weird friend you have who talks about swallowing people whole more than he should.

You're weird, Bryan.

The story revolves around Eren Jaegar and his cartoon pals, Eren is a very angry twitchy kid that can Hulk out at a moments notice. I don't know if that's a spoiler or not I don't know how the AOT fanbase operates. After seeing his mom get eaten, Eren vows to eradicate the Titans with the help of his friends, Armin "Beast Child" Arlert, who has very low self esteem even though he's killed so many Titans in game at this point they may as well send him out to do it himself.

And Mikasa, some sort of strange super human girl who's capable of feats that no teenage girl should capable of doing. She's the adopted sister of Eren and also has a huge crush on him. Vowing to protect in the hopes that he will one day hug her or kiss her on the cheek or whatever it is that couples do in private.

I don't know how babies are made.

Together they join the Survey Corp. I mean the Scouting Legion. I mean the Recon Regiment.

Together they join the Looky-over-wall guys because these guys are the people that are most likely to fight Titans, so that Eren can sate his neverending murder boner and Armin can continue to kill everything that moves with very little effort. Seriously, I killed, like, 1000 Titans with Armin, I even got a cheevo for it. Armin's my boy, man.

"But Dirk, you Olympian Sex God." You inquire. "If these Titans are so big, how do you kill a Titan?"

I'm glad you asked, random citizen.

From what is explained, Titans have this insane regeneration ability, making them practically unstoppable. But they have one weakness, if you can cut through the nape of the neck, a Titan will be killed and turn to dust or ash or something. Basically, you kill a Titan, it turns into a spooky skeleton, then it disappears.

But how do you reach the nape if they're so tall and bitey? Well basically they saw Spider-Man and went "Yeah, lets do that."
Each soldier in the human army or whatever it's called are trained to use something called Omni-directional maneuverability Gear. The gear uses hooks and wires fired by compressed gas so you can swing from trees or buildings or whatever, or cling on to Titans so you can move around them and prepare for an attack. I personally would have used a giant robot or a tank that fires very large scissors, but that's just me.
You are armed with two large exacto knives that dull a little bit after every use. Once these swords are broken, you discharge them from their holders and then rearm yourself with new, sharper blades.

But how does it play?

Would you believe that it's really fun? Like, surprisingly fun. Off puttingly fun if you will.
After you pick your character from a handful of choices, you are thrust into the battlefield. When you start the mission you can use a button to swing into action, soaring over the town or through the trees or what have you. When you encounter a Titan, which come in sizes ranging from huge to gumpy, you lock on to them with another button and press the swinging button again to latch your hooks into whatever body part you have targeted. When you think you have a good opening to not get grabbed by the giant and possibly eaten, you press the swinging button again to charge towards the Titan, gaining enough speed to cut through the nape or remove limbs. There's this nice strategic and speed element to the combat, where you either pick to start cutting off limbs until the Titan is a stumpy mess free to bully, or use your superior movement to leap from Titan to Titan and cut their napes one after another while your squad mates yell "SUGOI!" because of how cool you are.

Each character has their own strengths and weaknesses. Eren is bad with team work but can tank his way through damage without his movement being inhibited. Levi, aka the human windmill, does ludicrous damage to Titans, but it feels at least to me that he runs out of gas quicker. Armin has no weakness.
None.
He will lead us to glory.

But should you play Eoten rape Assault: Violent semen inferno?

I'm honestly surprised at how good it actually is. Not saying anything about the quality of AOT, but licensed games don't usually prevail unless they're like, Batman, or something. The movement gear is a blast to use and you can't help but feel like the world's sexiest man when you manage to effortlessly dispatch a Titan. The setting is weird but not in a bad way, and the characters are fairly memorable in their execution, especially Beast Child, that blonde killing machine.

Sometimes the camera can get a little screwey and so many people will die just as you're about to save them, you'll probably get some form of PTSD. Also, for some reason the game doesn't support 1680x1050 resolution, which sucks for me because my monitor was crafted in 1885. I'd recommend playing with a controller, and I haven't tried it with a keyboard long enough to comment on it's use.

Assault on Largeguys gets 8 flying blond kids out of a possible 5.

Imagine how much puss you crush back at base after killing a Titan for the first time.
The curator: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/Dickbuttexperience#curation