"Kawaii~ on the streets, Senpai in the sheets."

"Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil."

"I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."

"I drink to make other people interesting."

"Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it."

"There are no winners in life…only survivors."

"Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters!"

"Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough."

"The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure."

"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip."

"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back."

"A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it."

"Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

"I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger."

"You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice."

"No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons."

"The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble."

"After you've read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix."

"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?"

"Constantly torn between "Threat the others how you want to be treated" and "Treat others how they treat you!"

"That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow..."

"With great power comes a great electricity bill."

“And you'd think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't. It just- it just makes them dead.”