Why I went ballistic and griefed my teammates to death in that Versus match

[Yokta Stone]

First of all, if I am referring to you when I say "my teammates," then I would like to apologize in advance for ruining your game. If you are willing to listen, I shall explain the process that led me to this highly destructive decision.
For starters, I am horrendous at Left 4 Dead. I can't aim with a mouse, I keep shooting survivors by accident and even the bots can fend off zombies better than I can. It's not too noticeable when I'm playing Campaign mode. But then I decide to join a Versus game.
Nine times out of ten, I'm on the team that loses, and loses badly. As a zombie, I barely do 30 points of damage and all the survivors reach the safe house without even using a medkit. When I'm the survivor, I get annihilated within seconds. It's not fun. It's masochism.
Now, I know the right thing to do is shrug off the defeat with "It's just a game" and congratulate the winning party on their victory. Unfortunately, where I should be seeing the mad skills of the winners, I only see my own crushing weaknesses. And that makes me very upset.
This is the part where you scoff at me and declare "This person is such a wimp, whining because he lost." I don't blame you in the slightest for thinking that, especially since you don't know what my life is like on my side of the connection.
See, I'm a high school dropout with a nonexistent social life, nocturnal sleeping habits and a pathetic physique. Everyone in a position to look after me is too busy to help me get back on track. My entire life revolves around my laptop and the Wi-Fi connection that keeps it in touch with the outside world. I spend all day using my laptop because I have nothing else to do with my life.
When I lose a game of Versus, it's a reminder of my failure at the pastime I love. It's a reminder of my incompetence, my powerlessness, a reminder of just how badly I have failed in my life. It literally brings me to the verge of tears. And when I've got nothing left to lose... I grief.
I single-handedly wrestle control of the game away from the supposed winners. By killing my teammates myself, I rob my opponents of the chance to win with honor. Griefing gives me the victory I could never legitimately achieve. It's the only conceivable way in which I could win against such alarming odds.
Yet, when I disconnect from the game upon seeing the votekick flash onto the screen, my anxiety still hasn't left me. I haven't made myself feel better, I made everyone around me feel worse. I still know that I suck at Left 4 Dead 2, because I didn't win through skill. I won through cowardice, through hatred and malice.
But will I stop griefing after that? I should, and I want to, but I know I won't. My emotions will overrule my logic, and I will continue to take out my frustration on innocent players who just wanted to have fun and make friends. Yet... this assumption doesn't take into account my making this thread.
Perhaps now that I've voiced my thoughts, I will remember what I've written here. Perhaps I will remind myself that what I'm playing is little more than a game, a single scratch on a mountain that will disappear into the mists of time. Perhaps I will remember that my opponents won victory through clever strategy and skills honed through countless hours of practice, and congratulate them rather than bully them. Perhaps when my Jockey's lifeless body falls to the ground, I will accept that I was bested by a player better than me.
Perhaps I might learn from the mistakes of my past, and be a better sport in the future.

[amélie]

can't tell if trolling or not

[Nosfrat]

i cry everytime.jpg

[Kosmonaut.]

well ...

♥♥♥

[INNERFACE]

trolltastic.
if you were failing high school why would you need to binge yourself on this game? why not study, you douche?

[Grampa Slade]

LOL!!! Nice, FWIW folks, this is satire. Nicely done

[MunkeyThrust]

Nice fictional insight into the mind of a greifer, I'm giving this essay a B+.

[Beavis and Butthead Gaming]

If your such a messed up person, why play games in the first place? Games are made to be enjoyed. If you don't enjoy this game, or any other game, then get a life and find something else to do, otherwise your just a waste of a player slot. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN!!!!!!!!!!!

[[HOH]Hellion666]

I`m not quite sure what you hope to achieve by starting a thread like this apart from being heckled and laughed at bud?! My advice to you is to just get over it. Games are to be enjoyed....and if you aren`t getting that from L4D2, no one here can help you with your issues.

[Visi]

Messaggio originale di MunkeyThrust:

I'm giving this essay a B+

Very generous of you, Mr. Thrust.

[Hunnoycombe]

This is akin to a drug addiction story
Made me cry

[NightFightsDay]

BEST

THREAD

EVER

[[sMil3]]

I understand from where you're coming. Get professional help,it only gets worse every day. When this kind of things reaches games,its a really bad sign.

[bob]

are you ok

[༄Șδŗΐ༄]

I'm glad SOME people acutally decided to write sometihng constructive to this person, he rally needs help not more mud flinging. Sir, you indeed have a big problem and I'm filled with bot disgust that you have succumed to such a feeling as well as the act of griefing. L4D+L$D2 has one of the WORST possible communities in gaming history,probably with CoD at the top. My advice, is to find an L4D2 group that has players like yourself where they aren't pros in attempts to both improve your skill, and gaming experience.
There are people of good nature that I found on Steam with good sportsmanship and a quality personality, and I can surely say that I wasn't prepared to meet any; also, playing versus on a public game is down-right A-W-F-U-L, easily some of the worst experiences in the game, save for trying to protect ymself from griefers... I didn't start playing Versus until I found this little-knit ofgood people, and before that it would be WEEKS until I found people of reputable nature. For nights, I'd just meet Jerks of every kind, Trollers, Griefers, people who merely ruin the experience just for lawls and kicks; as opposed to others who are so frustrated that they're reuced to the act of greifing.
Natural Selection 2 has a MUCH better community, where players actually help eachother out because he game has such a steep learning curve (mainly with the Aliens and Commanding,) Consider it worth the $24. Plus, non-pro games have no friendly frie, so you can keep shooting yer pal and it won't hurt 'e,; you can hurt yourself though with explosives. Another nice thing about NS2, is that it list which servers are Noob-friendly and show the skill level of the players in that server, so you can pick a server that is of your skill.
Indeed, one should just shrug it off, but there's only so much one person can take being ground into the dirt, made fun of, "fail", etc, we all have our limits, but when you turn to the darkside it only perpetuates the problem. Tonite, my team and I got our arse royally beat in versus, it simply wasn't fun after the 2nd chapter and by the end we merely killed ourselves by jumping off the ledge cause we were so fed up with the imbalanced teams. And L4D2 has some of the WORST hit-dection I've EVER seen in a game... So bad infact that it has begun to sour the experience (after 1,115hrs, 1.8yrs of playing,) and I sincerely can't believe that Valve/Sierra could produce such awful hit-dection, cause it's become something I constanly complain about; MAYBE they'll fix this issue in L4D3...)
Perhaps Versus is something you should cease playing until you can find players that are of quality personality (surely you must ahve found a few people by now,) but, even I don't like versus as much as Co-op because Versus is so stressful. It's rush, rush, *pass-up that cool item*, rush, get blinded, get Charged, etc. It's something I only play cause I liek the peole I play with, and there are times where I win, and of course lose. So I reccomend playing Co-op.
Friendly Fire is something that can get old cause it makes one feel worthless (and your not, your only worthless if your sitting there doing nothing,) but I try to avoid standing behind other players cause you never know if they'll move backwards or into your aim. Some peple are absent minded and run straight through incoming fire, and this does get old, it's true and unfortuantely the only advice I can give is try to predict where that player will go next, which can be hard.
As for your Peronal problems, I do feel for you, if I didn't I wouldn't be typing out this long message in order to offer some kind of "aid" even though the internet makes it superficial. How your a drop-out I'll never know, but I would seek help sooner than later otherwise your problems will only perpetuate and get far worse, and we don't need another criminal... We don't... YOU don't... and YOU don't want to go to jail. The fact that you took the time out to write this and explain your problems tells me your a good person who got delt a bad "hand" in life and you need to seek help. No one deserves the issues that you've been delt... No one, and they must be corrected while your still young. If no one in your personal group of friends or family will help, then YOU NEED to take the initiative and seek out help. Look for a guidence counselor, look for some kind of community help, and if you still cannot find one or know how to describe what you need or are looking for, then go to a internet forum that is based on helping people and ask for help ASAP and then look for that Service in your local area. You NEED help... You need it, and you crave it. Save yourself. And, if you find that religion helps, then go for it, if it doesn't then don't purse any organization that is "pushing it.
Please, get help soon -very soon. Cease hurting others in-game like they hurt you, help yourself before you start hurting real people, including yourself.

[Nosfrat]

ITT, hardcore teen angst powered drama from those who took the original post seriously. And I chuckled at the CoD community being worse than the L4D one. There are so many CoD players, there's still quite a lot of decent people among them, especially on PC, since it's not riddled with the 12yo kids plaguing the consoles. The L4D community manages to have so many horrible people while being a rather small community.