Posted: February 25
Let's be honest, ♥♥♥♥ing NOBODY
bought this for the storyline.
All I gathered was that the guy you play as likes to do the kung fu fighting as fast as lightning, and then reveals to all of his friends that the massive cuboid in his trousers was the massive brick he was ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ out in preparation for Hiroshima Part 2
a kung fu contest.
If it was a 'who can be the biggest ♥♥♥♥ing mongoloid' contest, he'd win and Japan would show the whole world that THEY have the most useless tossers of an adolescent generation.
Anyway, he speaks to some kid, who directs him to some other kid, who smacks him against the floor or some ♥♥♥♥, I dunno. Then the person who whoops his ♥♥♥ tells him to go to a shrine and praise the sun, but he's an atheist, so he begrudgingly skates there on his heelys, tipping his fedora all the way. Then when he goes in, some ♥♥♥♥♥ steals his wallet and chloroforms him.
Ehhh...what was I saying again? I went to go eat something, whatever.
Oh, right, the boobs
So, he wakes up in a bush or something, then tries going home and sees two girls being chased by more girls and then they throw their underwear at him. This kid, being a thick-headed piece of ♥♥♥♥♥, doesn't get the point and starts trying to stop some armed women.
OOOOOOOOOOOH, JUDO SKILLS TIME
He ♥♥♥♥en'...does something. And one of the armed people is all 'Hoh-ree shiiit, you yoused da seekrit konami cooode, hwaaaaaa
', then ties him up and he goes to Dundee
a primitive village made of ♥♥♥♥ and sticks.
...why did I strike out Dundee? I just described it perfectly...
Yeah, so, then Bain's all 'GUYS, THE ♥♥♥♥ING WEEB, GO GET HIM'
, and then the two girls that have fox ears and tails break you out of prison and you go on a drug-induced murder rampage whilst wearing a chicken mask and carrying a golf club.10/10 Northern England simulator 20...whenever.