Global Gameplay Stats

Genital Jousting

Global Achievements
 
% of all
players
Total achievements: 28
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19.3%

Go Left

Move to the left.
19.3%

Go Right

Move to the right.
14.7%

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.
13.9%

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
6.7%

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
5.1%

A Better John

4.5%

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
3.6%

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
3.4%

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
2.9%

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
2.6%

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
2.1%

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
2.1%

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
1.8%

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.
1.7%

Summer Job

1.5%

Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
1.4%

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
1.3%

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
1.2%

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
1.2%

Meet Your Maker

0.7%

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.
0.6%

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
0.5%

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
0.4%

Appalling Appetite

0.4%

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
0.3%

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
0.3%

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.
0.3%

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.