Mount & Blade: Warband

Mount & Blade: Warband

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The Official Blinquisition of Blee
By Ted
You, peasant! Yes, I am talking to you! My name is Ted, Admin of Jailbreak, and it's my destination to remove the heretics!
 
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Introduction
For too long the might of Blee has been put in doubt....

The church of Blee has fallen into darkness...

It is time to find the light, it is time to enlighten heretics by fire, it is time for Blee to rise again!
Heretics and how to find them
Well well, a dark age we are living in.... Some heretics worship some crude god called "Allah", others deny the existance of any god... idiots they are! There is only one true god, and his name is Blee!

"Who are these fools!", you might be shouting right now... well, it's easy: They are heretics. Everyone who does not worship Blee, everyone who denies his existance, EVERYONE who doesn't shout his name whenever he can is a heretic.

I am here to show you some examples of heretics, so you know how they look like. They sometimes look bizarre or cruel, I know. But have faith in Blee! They will not be able to hurt you as long as you carry the name of our mighty Lord and Savior with your shouting!




Heretic 1: The Jew


Aaaahh, here you see him.... Here you see the face of Satan! The Jew normally wears a black hat, has long braids, a large nose, an ugly face, and often carries a bottle of vodka. You will find heretics like him nearly everytime when on Jailbreak, so be careful.

So, let's imagine you've spotted a jew.... what do you do now?

Do you....

a) Hug him?
b) Kill him?
c) Shout "Blee!" at him?
d) Report him to the Admin?


The right answer is c! You shout "BLEE!" at him as often and as loud as possible. He will either become a worshipper of Blee himself then, or he will be slaughtered by the migth of Blee by a guard.

Congratulations, you now have removed a heretic!
Heretic 2: The Christian

Aaaah, here you see another two heretics... Christians! They are worshipping their satanish cross, they are worshipping their own god, they denie the existance of Blee.... HERETICS THEY ARE!
You can often find them sitting in front of a cross or playing an organ. Sometimes they may offer your bread and wine - do NOT take it! They believe the bread to be flesh and wine to be blood of their saviour... can you even imagine such crude, cannibalistic believes?


So, let's imagine you've spotted a christian.... what do you do now?

Do you....

a) Hug him?
b) Kill him?
c) Shout "Blee!" at him?
d) Report him to the Admin?


The right answer is c! You shout "BLEE!" at him as often and as loud as possible. He will either become a worshipper of Blee himself then, or he will be slaughtered by the migth of Blee by a guard.

Congratulations, you now have removed a heretic!
Heretic 3: The Muslim

Aaaahh, here you see him.... Here you see the muslim! The muslim allways has a long beard and a green cap. He sometimes wears a bombbelt to blow people up and allways carries multiple arms... dangerous persons they are! Allways be careful when you've found one!

So, let's imagine you've spotted a muslim.... what do you do now?

Do you....

a) Hug him?
b) Kill him?
c) Shout "Blee!" at him?
d) Report him to the Admin?


The right answer is a! You hug him as fast as possible so he can't blow himself up! You then proceed to point c and shout "BLEE!" at him as often as possible until he starts worshipping Blee himself.

Congratulations, you now have removed a heretic!
Heretic 4: The Mage

Look, there he is! One of our worst enemies! Not only a heretic, but also a MAGE! Mages allways wear white gloves and a tophat. They also carry a black stick which they need to perform magic. They may tell you that they only perform magic out of fun.... Do NEVER trust them! Do not talk to them! They are heretics! That's all you need to know! Nothing more! HERETICS, HERETICS, HERETICS THEY ARE!

So, let's imagine you've spotted a mage.... what do you do now?

Do you....

a) Hug him?
b) Kill him?
c) Shout "Blee!" at him?
d) Report him to the Admin?


The right answer is a! You hug him as fast as possible so he can't use his magic stick! You then proceed with shouting "BLEE!" at him as often as possible until he starts worshipping Blee himself.

Congratulations, you now have removed a heretic!
Heretic 5: The Guard

Guards.... HERETICS! They can't shout Blee, they kill worshippers of Blee, they wear muskets... HERETICS! It's your holy task to remove those creatures!

So, let's imagine you've spotted a guard.... what do you do now?

Do you....

a) Hug him?
b) Kill him?
c) Shout "Blee!" at him?
d) Report him to the Admin?


B! B! B! You go over to him and smash your hammer into his ugly face! Kill them all! Slaughter the guards! Blee is with you!

Congratulations, you now have removed a heretic!
Heretic 6: Japanese Moderators


KILL IT!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE! FAST!
Heretic 7: The Plee-Sayer

Oh, the worst one.... the Plee-Sayer.... may he burn in hell...

There are dumb persons, there are idiotic persons, and there are persons without brain.... Plee-worshipers are the third. They will tell you they were Russians and they knew it was "Plee", not Blee.... HERETICS I SAY. BURN THEM! KILL THEM! SMASH THEM! SLAUGHTER THE PLEE-SAYERS IN THE NAME OF THE ONE AND ONLY BLEE!
May you go in Blee!
I hope you've seen that there are many heretics on Jailbreak... and I hope you know how to fight them now!

Remember: Whenever on Jailbreak, look out for heretics and bring the light of Blee to them. Carry Blee with your shouts whereever you go.


The Blee, is everything, AND nothing.
The Blee is love, the Blee is life.
The Blee giveth, and the Blee taketh.
The Blee is infinite, the Blee is finite.
The Blee is eternal.
But most important of all, he provides!






Disclaimer: This text is not meant to insult any person due to her/his religion or lifestyle.
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49 Comments
muh_memmose_more_magical_tea Jan 22 @ 10:54am 
You forgot to mention some other religous HEREDICCKKSS. NUMERO 8 Neon bleelivers-think they can blee but they only pray to neon's grave! prays at neon grave 24/7 hours a day. --------------------NEXT-------------- Teabag's (well **** you i belive in teabag) annoys teabag over Private chat in discord. EVEN MO000ARR HEREDICKSS REEEEEEEEEEEEEE---Numerinio ten0 10- Shitmins-all they do is slay cause you rdm a jew! What and plebs! KEK ON SIGHT.
Carrygod Meow Jan 22 @ 10:15am 
it's Bleenquistion you heretic pleb
Prince Bababtunde Mar 24, 2017 @ 1:18pm 
whats a blee?
TheDude24 Mar 9, 2017 @ 10:54am 
BEREIT MACHEENNN IS MUCH BETTER!
Godfirst Sparrow Sep 17, 2016 @ 7:26am 
BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
brithauer Apr 22, 2016 @ 12:00pm 
Can I eat your face?
Morphling God Apr 20, 2016 @ 10:48am 
BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Hebsnaba Apr 17, 2016 @ 6:30am 
bardinal is pleased
agont Apr 17, 2016 @ 6:29am 
WHAT ABOUT NYEH? CAN I PRAY TO NYEH?!
43rd_MilkmanLolzyo Feb 25, 2016 @ 12:16pm 
Bope Bleeandic Annocounces a cruesade to free the blee lands