Hitman: Absolution

Hitman: Absolution

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Hitman Absolution Radio Broadcasts
By Zachaquack1987
Transcripts of all the radio broadcasts that can be heard throughout the game.
   
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Intro
I was always curious about what was coming out of our favorite distraction weapon: the Radio.
Here are the transcripts of the broadcasts and the levels where you will first hear them.
Note: Some broadcasts show up in other levels too.
Comments and additional entries welcome.

Here they are:
Part I
A Personal Contract

Newscaster: ...in other news, the weapons industry giant, Stallion Armaments, chose a new CEO today at a closed shareholder meeting. Last year the old CEO, Richard Strong, was scandallously shot and killed during a rooftop party at the Carrington Hotel by an unknown assassin. Stallion Armaments will disclose the identity of the new sucessor later this week. And now the weather...

Hotel Terminus

Newscaster: The gang war, triggered by the sudden death of the self-proclaimed King of Chinatown, peaked this morning when seven bodies were discovered in a warehouse by the docks. At a press conference earlier today, William Falkner of the CPD expressed his concern that the violence will only excalate further as rivaling gang lords continue to struggle to claim the vacant seat of power. And now here are the music charts with your host Andy Crystaretti.


Upper Floors

-Announcer: You probably know that nine out of ten gun-related incidents occur in the home. But did you also know that six out of those nine times, the gun was made by Dexter Industries? That's right, Dexter Industries has come a long way. From our humble beginnings making concealed boot sole switchblades, Dexter Industries has evolved into one of the leading weapons manufacturers in the country, and a pillar to the community of Hope where it all began. We employ sixty-one percent of the local adult population, build schools and hospitals, and support cultural initatives all in order to give something back to the town that gave us so much. Creation or destruction, building or demolishing. Yes sir, at Dexter industries we've got it all. Send in your job application now.
Dexter Industries; Building a more high-powered tomorrow.

-Announcer: Success, Fame, Fortune? Has it suddenly lost all meaning? Do you feel like Alexander The Great -weeping because there are no more worlds left to conquer? Don't worry! We can help!
Winners Guilt, Quarterlife Crisis, Fast Lane Syndrome, Buyer's Remorse, or Shoppaholicism.
at Dr. Greg Weismuller's coaching and therapy seminars, noone judges you. Sign up now and get fifty percent on our annual yoga and meditation retreat in Big Sur, California.
Part II
Run For Your Life

-Julian: ...okay, thank you Amy and up next is long time listener Gabriel. What's up man? Still seeing things that aren't really there heh heh?
-Gabriel: Oh my God Julian! Julian, I am, I am standing outside the Hotel Terminus and the whole thing, it-it's just gone up in flames man, I-I kid you not! There...there...oh...oh... There-there's a dude crawling down the back of a fire escape now a-and he's got a guitar on his back. A-and then there's another guy. He-he's throwing shoe boxes out of the window, the seventh floor window it-it's so hot here man!
-Julian: Heh okay, thank you Gabriel, and please buddy do _not_ lay off the meds alright man? heh heh, ahem. We'll take a short break, but stay tuned for more of 'Up Late With Julian' yeah...


Shangri-La

-Announcer: ...The Third Eye is back. We've got pleasure to host Jackson DeLong, author of 'The Hitlist Conspiracy.' Jackson, now in your book you mention (BEEP) banking quite a few times.
-Jackson: What most people are not aware of, and the powers that be would prefer it that way, is that Vice President Morris; a man loved and admired by many, DEAD, Alexander Caine; former FBI director and a permenant member of the Builderburg Group, VERY DEAD. Start asking the right questions and suddenly all three appear as best buddies. I have records in my possession, which will be made public if anything happens to me, where all three are connected through off-shore accounts and front businesses that make the Cosa Nostra look like kids playing Monopoly...
-Announcer: Those are serious allegations. It's not something the average Amarican can easily digest. I want to get back to the Morris death, but first, Zoey will play some tunes for us...

-Announcer: ...we're back with more Third Eye, we've got Jackson DeLong with us. Jackson this hitlist conspiracy, what would the implications be for Joe and Jane Average?
-Jackson: Want to know the scarest thing David? That crimelord who just bought the farm? The so-called King of Chinatown? He was Delgato's main buyer. Not just here, but globally. Former FBI director Alexander Caine himself. Now, if this is a coincidence, I'm prince feakin' charming.
-Announcer: I'm told by our producer Tim we need to take a short break for commercial, and we'll be right back with Jackson DeLong.

Hunter and Hunted

-Narrator: What abominable horrors and unmentionable monstrosities await in...
STORIES FROM THE DUNGEON!
Episode 14: The Case of the Disappearing Servants;
Two o'clock in the morning, and it was dark in the mansion. Only Jarvis, the newest servant, remained awake in the kitchen making himself a vegamite sandwitch. He was young and quite rude. and many of the older servents warned him not to talk around Lord Pickman. But, the young lad just couldn't keep his mouth shut. That same evening, he had been commenting that a briny odor remained in the air whenever Lord Pickman shuffled through. Not to mention his patracian visage and translucent skin...

-Narrator: What abominable horrors and unmentionable monstrosities await in...
STORIES FROM THE DUNGEON!
Episode 14
Presently, he was enjoying his sandwitch, when a rustle came from the library, that most loathsome of rooms full of forbidden tomes. Curious and dim, he walked in thinking it was one of the maids...but, there was noone there. Still, the rustle persisted. He located the rustle behind the curtins of the french windows. He slowly crept towards them, oblivious of the unfathomable perversion that hid behind them in wait.

-Narrator: What abominable horrors and unmentionable monstrosities await in...
STORIES FROM THE DUNGEON!
Episode 14
He went closer and closer. And the monster's mouth grew bigger and bigger. Revealing row, after row of sharklike teeth, and onyx tentacles. Jarvis's hand pulled the curtin's away...
The next morning, Jarvis, was nowhere to be found. The older servants, however, noticed that Lord Pickman's belly was curiously distended and how the briny oder was stronger than usual. They shrugged, and solemly decided to put up and advertisement for a new servant.
Part III
Streets of Hope

-Brady: So, the Hope fair is coming up this weekend and we have Haley from city council with us to tell a little bit about what's in store. What you got for us Haley?
-Haley: Well Brady, this year everyone is talking about the chili cookoff. We have a free signup, and the lucky guy or gal who makes the most firey sauce wins a brand new SUV compliments of Dexter Industries. Oh and uh uh, let's see. You can, oh, you can challenge none other than Sanchez, oooo the Mexican Mountain, to a game of Powerball. We have a traveling Circus, and of course Glen McReady is playing songs from his new album 'School of Life,' and yeah, it's gonna be fun for the whole family.
-Brady: Sounds like a riot Haley, see you at the punchbowl this is Brady Levine with 'Hope News'...


R&D

-Mark: Alright, you know what time it is baby! It's time for the Iron Cage, oh yeah! And this is your host, Mark St.Pucker, bringing you the world of mixed martial arts. Boy, do I have news for you today. I am, ha ha ha, I'm so pumped up man! Whoo! It made my day when I read it and I'm willing to bet good money, it's gonna make your day sooo much better. Well, let's go to some advertisements and we'll be right back.

-Mark: Alright, you know what time it is baby! It's time for the Iron Cage, oh yeah! It seems you can teach an old dog, new tricks. Oh yeah. I'm talking Jessie Rollen: the Light Heavyweight, Muay Thai, Juno man.
Yeah, he has been a breath of fresh air in a sport that, you know, come on, let's face it folks, has been relying time and again on familiar faces, the same old faces again and again. They pull them in to pull the putz and...w-who've we got, the regulars? Brazilian Monster Carlos Bianchi, the wild Simon Unger, wow, we got William Detwa. Hell, even Ronnie "The Storm" Lee.
And tell us what went through your mind when you heard the news. Alright, backup lay us some tunes and we'll be right back.

-Mark: Alright, you know what time it is baby! It's time for the Iron Cage, oh yeah! Okay, here it goes! You ready for this? Here we go! Hang it on, I'm getting tingly here in the booth talking about this! Alright, who won his last five submission conference matches with knock outs, all of them before the third round?
-Commentator: Damien Simper's too big a fighter for this ♥♥♥♥! Seriously, who the ♥♥♥♥ is Jessie Rollen? I saw him during the Jacquenenko-Jematta fight car. Oh he knocked McGowen out, big ♥♥♥♥♥♥' deal. I do kickboxing and I can knock McGowen out. Any true fan knows McGowen is slow.
-Mark: Let's go to some advertisements and we'll be right back.


Skurky's Law

-Here's your daily hourly dose of Batsas Hope News on 96.1!
Today it was announced by the FBI that the district court judge the Honorable D.H. Strictland is being questioned in connection to his alleged involvement in the recent bribe scandal.
This is not Judge Strictland's first brush with the FBI. Last year he was put under investigation for the lack of professional judgement he exhibited on numerous cases, including worker compensation claims against Dexter's Industries, and repeadedly acquitting the offender James Seth Lynch, later found to be a cousin of Strictland.
While no charges were ever pressed against him, his reputation has been tarnished despite the fact he is widely considered by his peers to be an otherwise conservative and deeply religous man. Judge Strictland has been unavailable for comment.
This was your daily hourly dose of Batsas Hope News on 96.1. Next update, coming up in an hour.


Blackwater Park

-Turning to weather. The recent downpour will clear up within the hour in the Chicago area. Currently fourty-seven degrees, forcasting the high of...get this, sixty-five later this night. Humidity levels will begin to rise, and with heavy fog as a result, commuters should be advised that visibility will be down to a bare minimum. So, watch out. Oh, you can't, ha ha.
This is Natalie Griffith and this was a WUNB update. Next up, Ethens Malonus gives us an insight on the economy. Take it away Ethens.
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3 Comments
valefar Jan 10, 2016 @ 2:45pm 
It was very considerate of you to take the time to make these transcripts. Things get tense while playing, which makes it difficult to listen to the radios. Thank you for your effort!
Lopodo Sep 9, 2015 @ 6:03am 
nice ty
JdabaD Jul 22, 2015 @ 8:50am 
It's nice that they were talking about the Richard Strong assassination from the sniper challenge ;)