How to spot Secret Elves (Toxic players, as humans call them)

Attention all true Dwarfs. Like many of you all, i'd be happy to fight and even die for our kin. Whether it be fighting amongst the peaks of Karaz Ankor against the forces of Chaos. Or shooting bugs and taking out those damned rivals, to protect the good name of the Deep Rock Galactic Mining Company. But whoever, or whatever we face in battle. We can all agree, that there can be no bigger threat, than the enemy within.

And i'm here to alert you all about a serious emergency regarding the DRG Company. For over the past few years, i, and many others discovered, that there's been a breach in both the Miners Union, and the Company Space rig. And the infiltrators are not the bugs, or the rival tech. But the greatest enemy of all Dwarfkind. And i'm talking about no other than those 𝗚𝗼𝗱𝗱𝗮𝗺𝗻 Tree hugging, Berry munching, Deer fondling, Sap sucking, Bark licking, Toy making, Dendrophilic, Girly haired, Knife eared, Bow loving, Wimpy little Baby faced, LEAF LOVER DRINKING ELVES!!!!!!!!

That's right! There are actually Elves disguised as our fellow Dwarfs hiding among us. And i'm not talking about the Yuletide ones. They're easy to take care of. I'm talking about the taller, dumber ones. Or as the humans like to label them as, Toxic players, whatever that means. Everyone else thinks i'm crazy or just paranoid. But i tell you, as Karl as my witness. These Woodland beasts are hiding in the Space Rigs, and are brainwashing our kin with their disgusting ways. So if there's any true dwarf reading this. Here's a guide on how to spot them, and get rid of them for good. And spread this to as many Dwarfs as you can, before it's too late.

1. Why are there Elves in the Company?

For now, I don't know who these beasts are working for, whether they're being paid by the Rival Company, or their own kin. I haven't got the chance to kidnap one of them and interrogate them, and question their motives. But they kick me before i find the others and warn the rest, and call me crazy. They can't get me here though.

Now whenever i try to explain this to other miners. They think i'm just a schizo Conspiracy Theorist. But my theory is, that they are Secret agents, working for the N.W.O (New Woodland Order) A Global Organization run by Elves of all Kinds and Species, that plot to take over the world, and exterminate other races, including us Dwarfs. They're known to infiltrate and sometimes, even take over many companies owned by different races, and sabotage them for their own gain. They're also known to secretly brainwash individuals into practicing their evil, despicable practices. Sometimes even bribing the Higher ups of the companies to ignore their activities.

These Agents are the Masters of Disguise. Using all that they learned from their Barbarous Forests, and implementing it into their profession. Mostly using magic to change their appearance and even mimic our behaviors, therefore slipping right under our noses. Listening to every word we say, and reporting back to their Foul masters. They're probably listening to us right now as we speak. But i'm not gonna give in to these Leaf Demons. But again, i haven't interrogated any of them, to claim this is true. But i'll always keep myself weary, and prepared. And i suggest you true Dwarfs do the same.

2. How to spot the Hidden Elves

Now as crafty and sneaky as they are. There are a bunch of Elves that can be a bit sloppy, and blow their cover immediately. So it can be a bit easy to tell them apart from real Dwarfs like you and me. Their disguise might not malfunction or anything. But their behaviors and actions are a big giveaway. So the first and biggest thing to look out for is.

1. Entitlement and Superiority Complex
Now it's a Scientific fact that Elves have egos, bigger than a Bulk Detonator, and always think that they're so much better than anyone else. Whether it's in their attitude, or what they do before, and during a mission. The most common way they let it slip out easily, is their stigma towards Greenbeards.

Now i know Greenbeards can be a bit flimsy and difficult to work with. But it is every Dwarf's Duty to support and help their fellow miners, just as Karl intended for us. Cause we were all Greenbeards at one point, including Karl himself. And to who think your superior to other Dwarfs, because of their rank and look down upon them, is strictly forbidden. For it is only Elves that are narcissistic, even towards their own kin, and we must be better than those Shameless Cretins. Same can be said for those who gatekeep their missions, because they want those who are lvl 20000 or something to join them. As if they think they're entitled enough to not work with lower ranked Dwarfs.

2. Lack of good manners and Respect
Now we all know that the most truest words from any Dwarf is to never trust an Elf. That can definitely can be said for the next part. Cause although they might not look like Elves, they still act like one mostly during missions. Mostly from rushing other miners and even being childish when things don't go their way. Whether it being very bossy towards Dwarfs and even verbally abusing them, and even aborting missions for no reason, wasting everyone's time. Not only that, sometimes, they shoot other Dwarfs on purpose and leave them behind, just like a true Elf would.

Mostly the reason why they behave so poorly, is because everyone knows that Elves are too frail and weak to lift up a Pickaxe, let alone survive a wave of Bugs.

(Hence why they gatekeep their missions for high ranking Dwarfs)

Since their primitive little brains can't comprehend the thought of doing simple manual labour. They lash out and berate true manly Dwarfs, who were born, raised and would happily die in the Mines. Also, you can also include killing innocent Lootbugs and kicking barrels out of the drop pod as potential signs.

3. Being too kick happy
Now i'm not saying that kicking is a bad thing. There can sometimes be nuisances that cause problems and ruin the fun. But the thing with Elves, is that even if you don't do a single thing to them. They will kick you. Even for the other stuff in this guide, like being a Greenbeard, Being "Too slow", or cause they're too much of a selfish narcissist, that feel too entitled for you to be in their presence. Just like your typical Elf. This is one of the big giveaways that Elves accidentally slip out, and blow their cover. If you ever got kicked for no reason, that's how you know that there's an Elf detected, and must be dealt with swiftly and with no mercy.

3. How to deal with Knife Ear Scum?

Now as much of a threat these Animals are to our glorious Mining Company. We shall never bend the knee to any Elf. Especially those who dare try to interfere with our traditions. But if you want to settle things peacefully. You can gather all the evidence of the Elf in question. Report them to your local Miner's Union and DRG Management. And have then banned from the Space Rig. Or you can be a True Dwarf and deal with them the right way like our Ancestors did. So here's a list of ways you can exterminate those Pointy Eared devils.

Blowing it's Stupid Leaf brains out
Make a Leaf Lover's Special people might drink. JK, Pour it down the drain
Treat it like the Trees they adore and love so much
Deposit it into the M.U.L.E. Although that's just cruel. Molly Deserves better
Gift it as an offering to the Beast

Whatever way you choose to dispose of these Leaf Lovers. Make sure it's gruesome, and have a damn good time doing it. But if we're ever gonna do a Widespread Culling, we need to get the word out to other True Dwarfs, who bleed Molten Steel, and crap Diamonds. And no matter how many Elves will try to censor us. By Karl, We will be Victorious! And to those who don't believe me, or don't feel like spreading the word. Answer me this.

Is this really the future you want for Deep Rock Galactic?

Good luck to all you true Dwarfs in spreading the message and saying no to Elf Occupation of our great Company. ROCK AND STONE FOREVER!!

[The Lad]

I agree with this

[Admiral Zhao]

This made me laugh out loud. good shit man

[imustbepsychic]

You forgot the ones who make a point of not doing the one thing their class is supposed to, even when asked.

[henrrypoop]

This is peak

[Benjamin]

This guide is peak, take an award my friend. Also, don't forget to Rock and Stone !

[Heggy]

Love this guide and I agree for the most part. Here's where we differ:

If I'm running a Hazard 5 mission and someone joins who has 0 stars at all, I kick them immediately (I include this in server description so it's not a shock). This is because 99% of the time, they cause the mission to fail; extra people means more bugs, but then they don't carry their load.

At lower Hazards I'm happy to give Greenbeards as much help and patience as they need, but a line has to be drawn somewhere!

[beastingzzz52]

we cannot let our beer drinking rock hitting traditions be ruined by these tree kissing pointy ear having leaf lovers, rock and stone brothers

[your local dumpster raccoon ;3]

wise words from a wise dwarf

[Nästea]

Amen

[*StonedKills*Goblin]

LMAO