Why Are Your Armies Always Late?

Why your organization is always low

Introduction

In "Hearts of Iron IV," managing an army is an art, and delays are just a natural part of it. Sure, you can always blame the weather or the enemy, but are they really at fault? Here’s a guide that reveals some of the more absurd reasons why your armies are always late. Read on and laugh... then cry.

1. Coffee First, Battle Later

Your units recruited from the heart of Italy have just reached the front and... forgot that it’s coffee time! Every unit must sit down, brew an espresso, and only then can they think about fighting. No coffee? No offensive. Because who fights on an empty stomach?

2. Lost in Time and Space

Someone once wisely said, “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.” Unfortunately, your generals apparently didn’t attend the same math classes. Instead of heading to Berlin the shortest way, your armies choose the scenic route through the Alps. After all, who wouldn’t want to explore beautiful mountain trails during a war?

3. Existential Tank Problems

Tanks are powerful war machines, but also great thinkers. Before heading to the front, they often ponder existential questions: “Am I really a tank?”, “Are my tracks taking me in the right direction?”, “Will this bridge hold my weight, or is the bridge suffering?” These dilemmas take time. A lot of time.

4. The Issue of "Special" Supplies

Of course, the army needs supplies: ammunition, fuel, and... those little candies that General Zhukov loves so much. When your units receive orders to attack, they first need to check if the crates of “special” supplies have arrived. Without them, morale plummets. And without good morale, who would want to fight?

5. The Curse of Fresh Boots

Orders for new boots have just arrived at the warehouses. Unfortunately, the boots are too new, too stiff, and unworn. So, your troops now need to spend a few weeks breaking them in. After all, there’s nothing worse than blisters on your feet during the march to Stalingrad!

6. The Great Staff Chess Debate

Generals love to wage war, but before heading to the front, they must, of course, play a game of chess. It’s an old tradition that decides the fate of many offensives. What if one of them gets stuck and can’t think of the next move? Well, the offensive can wait. They can’t leave a game unfinished!

7. Your Dictator’s Micromanaging Tendencies

Your dictator (read: you) spends every free moment micromanaging everything possible. Every unit must be perfectly positioned, every tank precisely labeled, and every soldier personally motivated by a phone call from the commander himself. Such things take time. And the enemy will wait, right?

8. Map Disputes

When it’s time to attack, it turns out that the staff can’t agree on which map is the most up-to-date. Someone brought a map from 1914, another from 1920, and one staffer insists that the 1806 map best represents the terrain. Debates ensue, and the armies wait...

9. Unexpected Berry Season

As your units pass through forests, they discover that it’s berry season. Well, such delicacies can’t go to waste! Soldiers eagerly start picking berries, forgetting about the war for a moment. After all, who knows when they’ll get another chance to taste such treats?

10. The Dogs of War on Vacation

Sometimes your units are ready for battle, but the dogs of war – those legendary beasts that bring chaos and destruction – decided to take a vacation. Without their essential support, morale drops, and the army halts its movements until these four-legged warriors return. Sometimes they even send postcards.

Conclusion

Managing an army in "Hearts of Iron IV" is not just the art of war, but also the art of patience. Delays are a daily occurrence, and their causes can be as absurd as they are comical. Remember, the best defense against frustration is a good sense of humor – and maybe a little coffee. So the next time your armies are late, think of this guide and smile. After all, it’s just a game... right?

TY for reading
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[Stormfarer]

bruh

[Spushmin]

This is fucking gay i thought it would be a real reason

[k⁧⁧𝘾𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞]

+4 They are fire

[ᴋᴇʀᴢᴇᴍ]

+3 remember to check my other guides on my profile

[k⁧⁧𝘾𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞]

+2 That's what i said, we are in hoi4 guide

[ᴋᴇʀᴢᴇᴍ]

+1 dude xD

[Kill The TTV]

WTF are you two on?
And as far as your argument, both of you lost. You are both HOI players, we all know neither of you have a life.

[k⁧⁧𝘾𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞]

"War thunder player" was also a joke you did not pick up (War thunder player detected = opinion rejected), i did not see you play witcher 3 or tf2 so i am still higher in being civilized

[Tanimal]

also the "Too long, didn't read" was a joke lol, but so I am talking about being civilized because I play eu4 and Vic3 making me more civilized than you, someone who apparently lacks both games,

[k⁧⁧𝘾𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞]

PD2 is based unlike WT + civilized? we are in a hoi4 guide and you are talking about being civilized