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5 of 10 (50%) achievements earned:

Personal Achievements
 
Unlocked Mar 18 @ 11:08am

Click on door 430 five times.

Click on door 430 five times.
Unlocked Mar 18 @ 10:43am

Achievement

This is an achievement.
Unlocked Mar 18 @ 12:32pm

Welcome back!

Quit the game and then start it again.
Unlocked Mar 18 @ 11:08am

You can't jump

No seriously, we disabled it.
Unlocked Mar 18 @ 12:00pm

Beat the game

Complete The Stanley Parable.



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Commitment

Play The Stanley Parable for the entire duration of a Tuesday.

Speed run

Complete The Stanley Parable in under 4 minutes 22 seconds (not including load times)

Go outside

Don't play The Stanley Parable for five years.

Unachievable

It is impossible to get this achievement.