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30 of 89 (34%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked Jun 21, 2014 @ 2:19am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 4:54pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 2:48pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked Mar 10, 2016 @ 10:07am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked Mar 10, 2016 @ 11:35am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 5:35pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 8:37am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 9:45am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 10:37am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 2:56pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 2:49pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 9:53am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 2:56pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 9:51am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked Jun 21, 2014 @ 2:28am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 2:48pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 9:11am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 2:48pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 11:39am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked Mar 10, 2016 @ 11:10am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked Jan 26, 2018 @ 4:22pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked Mar 10, 2016 @ 11:37am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked Jun 21, 2014 @ 2:16am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked Jan 26, 2018 @ 4:34pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 10:03am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 3:16pm

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 7:08am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked Feb 5, 2022 @ 5:55pm

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 10:28am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked Feb 6, 2022 @ 9:00am



Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
3 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
4 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
0 / 30

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
0 / 30

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
0 / 10

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
4 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
14 / 30

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
0 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 30

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
1 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 20

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
0 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
4 / 30
+11

11 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked