44 people found this review helpful
14 people found this review funny
Not Recommended
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 0.8 hrs on record (0.6 hrs at review time)
Posted: Jan 31, 2020 @ 11:06pm
Updated: Jan 31, 2020 @ 11:08pm

At a Glance
(Adult) Content
Yes. (F) Nudity.
No. Woot! Woot!
Hours of Gameplay
About an hour, maybe two.
Modding Support?
Patch Required?

Hentai Girlfriend Simulator is a virtual-novel where you manage a relationship in real-time, keeping your girlfriend fed and lovey-dovey.

After setting difficulty and autosaves, the first thing you’ll do is select (one of three) girlfriends. I picked the first one, on the far left. Her lips reminded me of someone I knew, though her eyes are a bit wonky. But hey, nobody’s perfect right? I know I’m not.

Far, far from it. Ahem! Back on track.

She blushes and looks away (after choosing her), and the screen transitions to a nice bedroom (with her). To keep your new-found girlfriend, you have to manage four gauges; you will have to watch her Love, Hunger, Happy, and Sleep. These gauges deplete in real-time, so keep an eye on your girlfriend. By sharing a variety of activities (in rapid succession), you best maintain a happy, healthy girlfriend. You see. . .

I didn’t know that this was a real time game. After writing this review (and eating pizza), my girlfriend left me. . . story of my life.

Anyways, I tried again. This time, I tried to play my cards right. We watched some T.V., romanced, and I ripped off her clothes. Apparently, she didn’t like that. So we made-up by watching more T.V. I worked at my nameless job, and went to the store to buy a love potion of sorts. I fed my girlfriend, and all of the sudden, she really, really wanted to get it on.. So I tore off her clothes again and tried to "service" her. It didn't work, so I tried again somewhere else.

She left me again. Gee, I can't even keep a simulated girlfriend.

There is no story that I could find, or even bios for the characters. You're a nameless man taking care of nameless girlfriends. With that in mind, you don't feel so bad about tossing your girlfriend under a moving car.

Yes, you can do that. No, it's not as cool as you'd think it would be. . . not that throwing someone under a car is cool. It's not cool. Don't do it.

I found the visuals to be too mediocre and mismatched. It seems like different people drew the characters, items and backgrounds. I wouldn't be surprised if stock art was used, but I'm just guessin'. I did enjoy the painterly style of the characters, and I would like to seen the same artist render the other in-game assets (for the sake of consistency). The characters don't move much, and (to my knowledge) there are no "CGs". In regards to lewd-content, all you'll really get is nudity. The dialogue is not varied, and becomes boring very quickly.

If you want to burn a dollar on a cheap hour (of novel entertainment), then this game is a worthy contender. But cheap doesn't make a game good, and I think this game isn't good.

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CrimsonJD Sep 8, 2020 @ 4:19am 
Hey, I support the Wombat!

Actually I find the Curator system pretty useful. I have a number of curators that I follow, and when I look at a game, I quickly see their opinion about it. It also helps me get better steam front page recommendations.
DatWombat Feb 15, 2020 @ 4:49pm 
Noted. You as well!
Snuggles, The cuddles Feb 15, 2020 @ 4:48pm 
You see, that's not at all how it sounds.
Again, I don't really feel invested enough past the previous comment to continue this dialog.

Have a good day.
DatWombat Feb 15, 2020 @ 4:32pm 
I like to write serious reviews that no one asks for , but I got to sharpen my writing edge somehow.

I. . . don't understand your sentiment. I'm not asking people for money or praise, I'm simply advertising my other work, and expressing one of my primary motivations; watching arbitrary numbers go up gives me joy.
Snuggles, The cuddles Feb 15, 2020 @ 4:14pm 
I like that you do these reviews in such detail and you give a lot of points here and there, but I feel I should share this opinion with you...

Why on earth would you ask for support on making reviews? It seems foolish and like walking a tight-rope made of glass.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'm not really looking for an answer, so don't worry about it. Just sharing my opinion.

Also this game is shit.
DatWombat Feb 5, 2020 @ 11:48pm 
Hahaha... I dig it :D
Heeey, I see what you did there. Yah dig it do ya?
headmonkeyboy Feb 5, 2020 @ 5:10pm 
Hahaha... I dig it :D
DatWombat Feb 5, 2020 @ 4:20pm 
I've seen and read lots of your reviews but lets face it, Im old... What exactly is a Wombat??
Wombats are big, fat marsupials with powerful claws and teeth. They are infamous for destroying land through their burrowing.
headmonkeyboy Feb 5, 2020 @ 3:44pm 
I've seen and read lots of your reviews but lets face it, Im old... What exactly is a Wombat??