So I told my wife, she was drawing her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course. Houses can’t jump.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that’s just nuts.

What happens when a frog’s car dies?
He needs a jump.
If that doesn’t work he has to get it toad.

I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.