"Thanks to the power of catnip and crack, I have successfully acquired a cop uniform" Postal 2
"He had the kind of face only a mother could love. If that mother was blind in one eye and had that sort of milky film over the other one. You know? You know what I mean? But still, he was my identical twin. It had taken me eight years to track him down to this gas station."
"Hi I'm Tiger Solomon and I have the most kickass jewfro on the CItadel"
"Imagine if a letter had unprotected sex with a telephone. And that's how a fax machine was created."
"I'll have a number nine, a number nine large, a number six with extra sauce, a number seven, two number forty-fives, one wit' cheese, and a large soda"