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An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality.
A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations.
A mathematician doesn't care.

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

In some alley, a function meets up with a differential operator:
"Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
"Try it - I'm ex..."
"Too bad... I'm ∂/ ∂y."

Q.Why was the math book crying?
A.It had too many problems.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
A2: None. A mathematician can't screw in a light bulb, but he can easily prove the work can be done.
A3: One. He gives it to four programmers, thereby reducing the problem to the already solved
A4: The answer is intuitively obvious

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives

Another professor, when asked how many problems there would be on the final, turned to the student and replied, “I think you will have lots of problems on the final.”

A mathematician, statistician and accountant were finalist for a position as VP in a large corporation. The hiring committee asked them all the same last question:
The mathematician was first."How much is 500 plus 500 ?" , they asked"1000" he replied without hesitation."Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the statistician."How much is 500 plus 500?""On the average, 1000 with 95 % confidence" replied the statistician"Thank you", they dismissed him.
Next the accountant."How much is 500 plus 500?""What would you like it to be?" responded the accountant.They hired the accountant.

Question: "How many seconds are there in a year?"
Answer: "Twelve, January second, February second, March second, ..."

Three statisticians go hunting. When they see a rabbit, the first one shoots, missing it on the left. The second one shoots and misses it on the right.
The third one shouts: "We've hit it!"

A math professor, a native Texan, was asked by one of his students: "What is mathematics good for?"
He replied: "This question makes me sick! If you show someone the Grand Canyon for the first time, and he asks you `What's it good for?' What would you do? Well, you kick that guy off the cliff!"

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

"What is Pi?"
A mathematician: "Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter."
A computer programmer: "Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision."
A physicist: "Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005."
An engineer: "Pi is about 22/7."
A nutritionist: "Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!"

"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again..."

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