40 people found this review helpful
172 people found this review funny
0.0 hrs last two weeks / 46.6 hrs on record (27.7 hrs at review time)
Posted: Dec 25, 2014 @ 3:22am
Updated: Mar 20, 2017 @ 5:03pm

Guise of the Wolf delivers where many AAA titles have faltered. Truly, this is a remarkable breakthrough in the gaming industry. The studio behind this masterpiece have made their entrance into the gaming world and it looks like they'll be sticking around. My sense of smell actually feels heightened and I can feel the tingling hairs on my nipples as they grow tenfold. Can you smell what the ROCK is cookin? I smell a sequel, do you? But I digress, reviewing time baby.

The game throws away unconventional and worthless things like clipping. You, the player of masterpieces, will have nearly infinite freedom. No longer will we be limited to roads and paths, this is the FUTURE. The first rock you encounter will have something special cookin' inside of it, so make sure you go in there and look! You won't want to leave-and can't!

Next, we do away with voice acting. These NPC's do not know what acting is! They are alive! Each one of them feels like a dear friend and every person you encounter shares a special memory with you. When they are harmed you can truly feel their anguish and pain. Don't even get me started on the wolf. It's just like Jakob from Twilight. Hell, I even named him Jakob. He is unmatched in his CGI cutscenes, nearly ruining every other game character with the sheer awesomeness of an ability called existence. The dialogue is very open and you even have the option to say things in different orders. Sometimes, I forget it's a game and howl into the night. Say farewell to your life because this game truly absorbs you into its dark atmosphere. I won't spoil the plot. I can't even fully comprehend it. Its complexity cannot be adequately appreciated until I complete a novel version for all to read. I've already written 9,001 pages and I've barely touched 12% of the whole plot.

You see my friends, you MAKE the plot. The creators took a gamble and allowed YOU, the player of masterpieces, to create your own story. It leaves many plotholes on purpose for your imagination to fill in, making the replay value infinity.

Beware, once you start this game you may contract a disease known as "Large Dong". I'll let the details be a surprise, but know that you won't want it to be cured. Keep napkins closeby as the female lead is a true Goddess. Her beautiful voice echoes forever in your mind and you'll spend the vast majority of the game not actually playing but searching for this divine Amazonian. She watches over the player giving advice and health/love potions from time to time. You'll fall in love with her soothing voice quickly, so be sure to listen to her.

Make sure you check the map often. It really helps, the guards told me so and they've seen everything. Everything! Good luck sneaking by them. Additionally, they're incredibly handsome. If you find that you cannot contain your primitive lust I must warn you to be extremely careful when patting them down. The one named Jesom specifically likes his left ear stroked gently. Try it, you'll get a extra 15 gold.

Play on, friends. This game is the greatest buy of my life, and I bought twelve ladyboys for a night.


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richerd lord of gmod Oct 16, 2015 @ 9:54pm 
kill me
The Deadly Beaver | 海狸 Aug 6, 2015 @ 5:46pm 
Your such a genius! xD
kapcom Mar 31, 2015 @ 10:57am 
tl;dr this game is better than WoW, Destiny, and Skyrim combined
irn8roo Mar 30, 2015 @ 11:58am 
Why is your play time ONLY 46 hours!?
Red Cat Jan 1, 2015 @ 6:28am 
This is probably one of the best reviews I've read about this game. Thanks for making my day.