Keegan   Iowa City, Iowa, United States
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Currently Online
1stEPI Gunny Jul 7 @ 8:00pm 

I'm just gonna get to the point. I masturbated for the first time last night. I was reading some hentai (anime girl porn) fanfic earlier, and when I went to sleep later that day, all I could think of was hentai. Eventually, I got this strange feeling in my dick, and I had looked up how to fap a few days ago out of curiosity, so I began to rub my dick, and some squicky substance came out (you know what it is. we both do). It felt so fucking amazing, but I'm disgusted. I mean, it feels wrong, and I'm not interested in sex or anything. It just feels so wrong, like I'm violating myself. This'll probably be my last fap though

Anyway, see ya. Remember not to tell my parents.
1stEPI Gunny Jun 22 @ 9:47pm 
EDIT: Trevor is not his real middle name either people, he's called Trevor because Trevor Hoffman was damn near the greatest closer in baseball history and that's what Mike does he fuckin closes down games, rinks, and dreams with that sick snapshot of his.

Wayne Gretzky once said Mario Lemieux could snap a puck through a refrigerator door, but that ain't shit because Mike Hoffman could snap a puck through two full refrigerators and have it make him a fucking sammich inside the third one.

All you salty haters I see you out here downvoting, you just salty cause you don't have a player that could shoot a puck past Playoff Patty Roy and Prime Dom Hasek at the same time - well that's a real shame but no worries, your salt will be washed away with the spring snows same as your tears as Mike Hoffman keeps serving up hot snipe specials in April. Learn to have fun cupcakes, I know it's tough to be fans of teams that play Big Dirty Hoffy but keep your chin up
1stEPI Gunny Jun 22 @ 9:47pm 
If I had a choice of one attack to use to kill Hitler I would choose a Mike Hoffman snipe from the top of the circle because you fucking know his evil dome would be bouncing off the end boards after that puck is loosed like lightning from the blade of God's own CCM. I'd just pick up the phone and call Mike Hoffman at 1-800-TOP-TITS where he can be found earning his living at the back of the goddamn net. The world record for a recorded sniper kill is 3,540m, but that's only because nobody has asked ya boi Trev to rip any wristers at ISIS yet.

If I had three wishes, the first would be to live forever, the second would be for Mike Hoffman to live forever, and the third would be for a trillion dollars so I could pay to watch ol Trevor Score top cheddar magic for all eternity.
1stEPI Gunny Jun 22 @ 9:47pm 
Aw yeah buddy we need way more Mike "Trevor" Hoffman up in this subreddit, all that animal does is rip shelfies buddy, pops bottles pops pussies so keep your finger on that lamp light limpdick cause the forecast is goals.

Fuck your cookie jar and your water bottles, you better get quality rubbermaids bud cause she's gonna spend a lot of time hitting the fucking ice if Trevor has anything to say about it. Blistering Wristers or fat clappers, this fuckin guy can't be stopped.
1stEPI Gunny Jun 16 @ 6:51am 
hello! sorry for scare, but just notice profile on the Steam Community. you know how hard it are to find girls who play video game nowadays??? well, Im glad I stumble apon this little prof cause I gotta say.... ur prety cute!! ^ ((sorry for scare, no trouble ) well... I was wondering if u wanted to play arma 3 with me (Im a section leader, so I can carry my little princes if need. =-}) CUZ I really want someone to pub wit me.. hey hey, maybe even I could get you unusual as little gift. you like Buring? Me too, me too. anyways any, do you maybe have TS? (no scare. no scare, I iust like meating eye to eye.) if you join the TS, I think we could have some good buddy commucation. :)) ( i can even turn down my dubstep music in the background if you want...) add me if you want please, I jsit need friend maybe even girlfriend, to play video with.m I can be the perfect guy for you, trust!! ill buy whatever, do whatever, okay?? jsit pick up that phone and CALL. :)
1stEPI Gunny May 21 @ 6:31pm 
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Post this on the walls of the 12 prettiest Girls you know...
If you get back 5 you're beautiful. ..
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