UnmetPlayer
𝕌ℕ𝕄𝔼𝕋   United Kingdom (Great Britain)
 
 
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At its core, Getting Over It is a game about the death of hope. Its about learning to find something to cling to in a pointless existence of murder and regret and then watching it turn to ashes before your very eyes. But that kernel of anguish is buried deep down in an adventure that demands to be explored deeply. So lets get stuck into this game together in word form.

This story follows out protagonist, none other than Vladimir Putin. Vladimir was birthed on the 7th of October 1952 in Leningrad which is now formally known as Saint Petersburg, he was the youngest of 3 children, which didn’t help him much in his childhood, he was often bullied by his brethren, name calling and physical abuse, but none of this deterred him from being a well mannered, he unfortunately bottled all his feelings up inside, which of course like any other human being, didn’t do him any good in the long run.

If that wasn’t bad enough his parents weren’t big fans of him either, from a young age he was forced to bathe in a caldron, where his father would plunge him under for minutes at a time to teach him a lesson. Again as always Vladimir just bottled it up, like always this took tolls on his mental health. After years and years of being half drowned in this horrible metal caldron, his parents realised he was getting a little too big for it, but didn’t stop the torture.

There were many things that led up to little Vlad’s eventual presidency, but I am not in the mood for writing his autobiography for him. So I have only covered the backstory needed to explain the severe trauma this poor child went through. Any way back to the story and a little further into the future.

Fast forward a little bit (aka over 50 years) Vladimir Putin and Donald trump were getting it on at a presidential party held in the Whitehouse, they were telling each other everything, as if they were 10 years old at a sleep over. All the secrets, the many war crimes they had committed, with all the horrible, gruesome details. They were surprisingly close during the reign that was The Donald. Of course they didn’t let the public know such things, they hid it from everybody, I mean of course they would, two of the most powerful people one earth hitting it off, it would be like Kim Jong Un and Queen Elizabeth releasing a sex tape. It just wouldn’t go down well.

But like any relationship, it failed, they had an argument over something fairly small (for them), someone fairly low walked in on them talking and Vladimir instantly ordered him to be killed, Donald did not like this side of Vladimir. So they broke it off.

Anyway, one thing led to another and just like most relationships ended with 2 world leaders destroying the planet. This lovers quarrel ended with both parties hunkering down in a Nuclear bunker firing countless Nuclear weapons at each-other. I don’t want to say who started it. Okay it was Vlad, he cowered in his bunker with nothing but his most wanted possesions and some basic survival tools and rations. He fired the first missile, directly at the white house. But closely following his, the United States fired everything, literally everything, Vlad followed his cue and also let everything go.

Vladimir instantly got notified to get into cover, under a table, anything, his eyes darted around, they locked on to his old bathing caldron from so long ago, some swine had clearly packed it with his stuff. Reluctantly he climbed inside the – rather small now – caldron. He also grabbed a sledgehammer just in case he got stuck, then he could attempt to break it or at least dent it to give him some room to escape its cold metal within.

Luckily for him the caldron did shield him from the large shock wave that hit. But it wasn’t quite enough, he was knocked out, for goodness knows how long, could have been hours, could have been days, we’re none the wiser. Upon waking up Vladimir was in an intense amount of pain. When he tried to move, he seemed to be trapped, trying to be smart he tried getting out of the caldron, which now only held his legs, but for some reason he couldn’t move them, he grabbed the sledgehammer and hit the outside of the caldron as hard as he could, Vlad belted out a blood curdling scream.

The radioactive blast seems to have melded the caldron to his legs and become one, nerves and all. This was inconvenient to say the least, but this didn’t stop him he tried dragging himself along the floor with his arms, but the caldron wouldn’t drag over the uneven, rough flooring. But of course Vladimir being Vladimir, determined to get a moving again he grabbed the sledgehammer from the floor and firmly grasped it with both hands, placed the head of the hammer on the floor with the handle facing into the air, he inhaled and lifted him and his caldron up into the air and manager to swing the hammer around to propel himself forward.

He made his way to the vault opening and after a while he managed to ply it open. What he saw next made his jaw drop. He slowly realised what had happened whilst he was out. The remaining survivors had taken all the rubble, trash and other possessions left behind by their now dead owners and had created a large staircase into outer space. For what reason you might be asking, well Vlad knew exactly what, the Russian Space craft that he himself had helped create. He knew he had to get up that staircase to every survive this hell on earth any longer.

Vladimir managed to use the sledgehammer to propel himself quite efficiently up the side everything he came across, whether it was just a simple rock, to large shelving units, the survivors had really used everything they could do to get into orbit. Everything was stacked on top of everything, if you could think of it, these hungry and thirsty survivors almost certainly stacked them on top of each-other to gain even a few millimetres extra. Wildlife, beach huts, hot tubs, entire houses, ladders, BBQs, boats, oars, satellites, boxes, sofas, drawers, mattresses, art work, nothing went untouched, anvils, buckets, shopping trolleys.

There was nothing Vlad’s sledgehammer didn’t touch, he climbed and climbed until he was nearing the top, this is where he started realising what had really happened, which unfortunately was a bit too late.

One of the many things that Donald and Vladimir had talked about all those days/weeks/months/years ago (again we have no idea), Donald said how he was working on a bomb that was manufactured to kill, but not in the normal way, this weapon was designed to detonate and use psychological warfare against their enemies. The gasses once inhaled would instantly give person horrible thoughts, dark ones, along with some other life changing effects.

Unfortunately Vlad knew the truth, there was no Russian Space craft, this chemical weapon would drive its victims to suicide in one of the worst ways.

Vlad didn’t want to go, but he was no longer in control, he was already being pulled out into orbit by some magical force, he was being forced to climb the last stage of the stair case, an ex mobile tower. This tower would take him into orbit and of course take his life, he tried to take his time, step by step, but of course this force was merciless, fulling him further and further out into orbit.

Vladimir started to expand, it was one of the worst pains he had ever felt, the cast iron caldron started to crack under the intense pressure, his bones shattered whilst his ever expanding body crushed them against the iron caldron. His saliva started to boil, whilst his blood started to freeze and finally his lungs started to rupture. Then suddenly, but not soon enough.

Darkness.

Well you have now learned the dark truths of Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy, I didn’t want to tell you this, but it needed to be known. Of course in the conclusion of any review, should you be purchasing this game, this may be considerably more money than any other game I have reviewed, but I would recommend it.
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I like reviewing games and I like collecting removed games, why not combine the two, unfortunately steam does not allow this, however I can make a guide for a removed game, so here we are. This is my review of 'Watch paint dry'.
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