Society is cooked. I was waiting in line at a food court to order some fried chicken, and as usual, I was pretending to be receiving a blowjob from Casper the Friendly Ghost, and there's this cop who locked eyes with me for a brief moment. This literal piece of ♥♥♥♥ already had me pinned in his crosshairs when I was hallucinating in peace. I tried my best to ignore him while I was steadily guiding the back of Casper's invisible head into the groin area with my left hand, and using my right hand to catch hold of the food court railing to keep me from falling, but the guy was going in for the kill. As I was rolling my eyes with my jaw completely unhinged, the cop asked "Sir, are you having a medical emergency?" My eyes snapped back into focus only to tell him, "Don't worry, my boyfriend is almost done." Without warning, this literal piece of ♥♥♥♥ pinned me to the ground and had me arrested in front of a confused crowd. Absolutely disgusting.

No, I am not joking. Recently, I decided that I wanted to listen to more undertale music because I forgot how good the soundtrack was, and boy does it get my bowels dancing along. Specifically the track “Finale” makes me have to go take a ♥♥♥♥, it’s like some sort of brown music, I don’t understand it. I think this is starting to become an issue, I can’t listen to the undertale soundtrack without having to take a ♥♥♥♥. this is the 4th time today, and as of writing this, yes, im ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ because of this issue. I have yet to see what effects the deltarune soundtrack does to my body, I’ve played both of these games and I never had to take a ♥♥♥♥ mid session. even in games with similar soundtracks like touhou, does not make me have to take a ♥♥♥♥. This is starting to become a genuine problem, I don’t know what to do.

So I was just surfing the web looking for gay midget porn, when I came across this thing called “black people”. Apparently they have dark skin and love chicken. I am mortified. I will not accept anyone who is not a white person. Who made these black people? Who can I contact them and get them to stop? Are they considered people? We can’t stand for this anymore! The blacks have taken to much of out our economy! They took our jobs, our lifestyles, even our wives! I only have 3 wives left! And I don’t even ♥♥♥♥ the other 2! Their just for cleaning and cooking! God I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate America.

Today I ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up... By sneezing while wiping my ass

As I was wiping my ass, I sneezed. A slimy drop of snot landed on my upper lip and instinctively I put the paper 1 was holding, on my nose to wipe it off. My body's way of saying "WTF bro, you put ♥♥♥♥ on your nose" was instant puking, which landed on my hands and in my lap. Now, I'm standing up. screaming out my disgust, with pants around my ankles, ♥♥♥♥ on my face and puke all over. Wife comes banging on the door, wondering what's wrong. My instant thought is "she must never know". in my stress, I reach for the door to ensure it's locked, so that she can't make any rescue attempts. Of course I trip, fall face first on the door. This doesn't calm my wife, but leaves vomit all over the door and a hurting nose, which! instinctively grab to acknowledge the pain. It's all a mess, like taken from a xxx-rated version of Faulty Towers

I still smell the ♥♥♥♥ in my nose.

I HAVE A TON OF HAIR IN MY ASS, specially around the entry point. The more I fight the faster it grows and stronger it becomes. The roots of this hair are so strong and have grown so deep that even if I tied a sport car to them and suddenly car took off, then the car is torn in two parts. They have grown so firmly into my ass that I made a small swing for my child out of the hair between my legs. The kid from the yard saw it and liked it so much. I tied them to different tufts of hair on my ass and spun around my own axis that I had to make an ass carrousel.

The day I wake up as a girl, I'm hitting my homies up, probably gonna get off, all 5 fingers in the gooch, see what my maximus cooch spread limit is, then I'm simply gonna let all my homies hit. Any position, angle, all the kinky ♥♥♥♥, because I'm a W homie
Let's say I'm letting my homies homies hit, my homies parents hit, my homies parents friends hit, my homies homies parents friends hit. You'd never hear another word about someone having their virginity if they're 18+, because everybody getting some
Let's say one day I decide to be a hero, y'know. I do some good and get a few criminals off the streets. You'd never hear another WORD on the news about rapists. I'm not elaborating on that, but you get what I mean
I'm putting every OF girl out of business. I'll be my own pimp. Instead of telling ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ what to do. I'm telling this cooch what to do. Everybody up n' down the street gonna have PNC (Post Nut Clarity). Even the women gonna have PCC (Post Cream Clarity) or whatever women do

Did you know that in terms of male human and female fish compatibility, Salmon is the most compatible fish for humans? This is a little-known fact, because of their similar pH composition and their slick, lubricated skin. With an average size of 28 inches and weighing about 10-12 pounds, Salmon are large enough to handle human ♥♥♥♥, and with the impressive girth of a male human, you can easily ♥♥♥♥ a Salmon for hours. They are also incredibly docile, so the thought of them trying to swim away is not an issue.
Plus, their bodies are very resistant to damage, meaning a human could rail a Salmon without feeling bad. They can also take a ridiculous amount of ♥♥♥. Salmon are basically built for human ♥♥♥♥. If you want a quick fix, Salmon is your best bet!

Vaccine side affects (really worried) NSFW//TW//real life story//

Just got my shot today and I'm a little worried. Is anybody experiencing substantial penile growth? It feels like I'm swinging an Enterprise salami when I go jogging now. My shlong has grown so much that I register as disabled at this point. It's so hard for me to even walk, both figuratively and literally... My cats think I'm packing a giant toy in my pants and claw at my c ock.

I was sent to HR when I accidentally pushed my coworker out of the window with my c ock because I wanted to get to the fax machine.

It ruined my life.

Please don't get the vaccine!

The one thing worse than genocide. One must first have no shame. Then he/she must use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner procedes to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse's stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partner's face. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging. Chicks'll dig this one.

I knew he was stellar.

gecc

expert bowler

Very cute man

hmmm, best body guard. Me and this guy (along with Paul Roggers) go wayyyy back ... back to ww2

best tit lord