This is indubitably the epitome of video gaming. This game has it all: a deep, gripping story involving well-rounded characters that we get to watch learn and grow; a heart-wrenching, testosterone-pumped story of vengeance; music that will elevate you to another dimension beyond time and space; and challenging combat which no game before or since has even touched in terms of satisfactory difficulty, mechanical precision, and fluidity of animation.

The graphical fidelity of this game is such that when I take a break from playing (I have countless hours in this game outside of Steam), I'm disgusted by what passes for "reality." Be aware I say this sincerely, once you experience this game, there is no going back. It changes you. You transcend.

The importance of the combat mechanics, not only in the game but in life, cannot be overstated. If you can't type "Nun flaps" quickly enough, a zombie bites you. This brilliance in design teaches the player one of the most important lessons in life: if you can't meet arbitrary performance metrics enforced by a machine you don't and can't understand, you will be punished in Draconian fashion. So, not only is this the best video game of all time per se, but it is also the greatest teacher of one of the most important lessons for young people of our time. This is even more important now, what with progressively more and more video game studios rewarding players for simply participating in their games.

The plot is supremely developed and tells a story second to none. Game of Thrones? Child's play. Lord of The Rings? Rubbish. Dune? Drier than desert sand. The Typing of the Dead makes The Witcher 3 (a highly lauded, albeit campy excuse for a fantasy story encased in an otherwise broken, barren, and beaten video game) look like a beta the developers just gave up on and published half-baked a la Bethesda.

The dialogue is poetry on par with The Greats. I never need to read Homer, Shakespeare, or my Bible ever again, and the world would be a much better place if this game had existed while the "prophets" of so-called world religions walked the Earth. The narrator introduces you to a character, for example, who is so driven by hatred for his enemies, that he would rip their balls off. The character himself blasts onto the screen, exclaiming, "I'm gonna rip your motha ♥♥♥♥♥♥' balls off!" CDPR, take notes, you have a lot to learn from this game that you obviously failed to grasp while "crafting" your pathetic, sophomoric, juvenile excuse for a story.

I've heard people complain about this out of a complete lack of understanding, so let me clarify something. Yes, this game gave me such a sudden rush of intense motion sickness that I was sure I was going to throw up. Never in my life had I ever been so nauseous, so sure I was going to lose my lunch. I'm not usually prone to motion sickness, so obviously the developers included this intentionally, again to teach young people an invaluable lesson about life: you're not supposed to feel good. You've got to power through it, there's no excuse to stop typing, stop working. The fate of our world depends upon your vigilant persistence despite all obstacles. This video game is a perfect teacher for imbuing people with the overwhelming need to sacrifice themselves, not just psychologically but physically, for something greater than themselves. The constant, overwhelming feeling of sickness is not only a teacher, but it is immersive as well. After all, we as the protagonist often find ourselves in closed spaces surrounded by the undead. It stands to reason that the smell would be so intolerable that it would make you sick. This game design is nothing short of genius.

To enhance the immersion, I would go so far as to suggest you vomit onto your desk, all over your keyboard. This will enhance not only the typing experience by making it sound audibly wetter, chunkier, and short-circuiting your keyboard, but the acrid smell of gastric acid mixed with partially digested MLG gamer snacks (i.e. Doritos and Mountain Dew) will enhance your immersion and bring you further into the game than you ever dreamed achievable by modern technology. Not even virtual reality comes as close to fully immersing the player in a digital world. As they say, modern problems require modern solutions. It is no fault of the developers’ that contemporary video game technology is only so immersive without these measures, and I applaud the developers for bridging the gap between digital gameplay and complete sensory experience.

I myself am a testament to the success of this game as I initially typed this review at a rate of nearly 400 words per minute with not a single typographical error (the review has since been edited to include more paragraph breaks for easier reading). I am a changed man. No, I am no longer a man. I have transcended beyond humanity. And you can, too, by virtue of the Typing of the Dead. I implore you to play this game. Frankly it should be a requisite part, dare I say it would be the most important part of young people's education and indoctrination into modern society. Living a life without having played this game is no life at all. You owe it to yourself and to the world to play this video game.