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Recent reviews by Maluno

Showing 1-7 of 7 entries
4 people found this review helpful
330.4 hrs on record
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Posted November 21, 2018.
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9 people found this review helpful
2 people found this review funny
1.2 hrs on record
I've joked before that with the recent trend of achievement piñatas, it would be just a matter of time before we get a game*, maybe titled "TEH RED BUTTAN", where you spawn inside a room with, true to the title, a red button, which once pressed would unlock all of the hundreds of achievements at once and case closed.

Do I feel like a semi-prophet now. So far, nothing has come as close to my joke/dream/prophecy as this game*

There is indeed a red button here. Pressing it will unlock 500 of the 505 achievements. But it's not as simple as I dreamed. You need to press it not once, but five (cinco) times. After that the remaining 5 achievements involve throwing a couple of objects into a electrical zapper and mopping the blood off the floor. Took me about 15 minutes to 100%, and I'm a stop and smell the flowers garbage kind of guy.

As your attorney I advise you refund this and feel no remorse.

Oh, but isn't that 'scummy'?

Opinions will differ among the community, but mine is that there's nothing intrinsically wrong with a high number of achievements in a game, even if they're trivially obtainable, IF there is something resembling of a game in there. I'm not talking stellar graphics or a completely original concept. The ZUP! possibly eternal series, hated by many, is one such example of a game that is a game. Personally I found it pleasurable to overcome the albeit easy physics puzzles and move on to the next level. They are thought through. For another example, see Turret Terminator, a simple yet satisfying game that doesn't excel in originality or graphics, spams achievements like there's no tomorrow, but is a game and has a gameplay. Those two (among other examples) knowingly exploit the fact achievement hunters will feel the need to buy it, but at the same time offer something in return.

Employee Recycling Center isn't anything. If you support this, you're supporting the real "TEH RED BUTTAN", which if no one else makes it, I will, and you'll only have to press it once to get 3000 achievements. And if I make it and it goes through greenlight (and you know it will) and you don't refund it, I'll be laying on a beach in the French Polynesia laughing at you idiots.

* The term 'game' is loosely used here in order to prevent too much digression. I trust the reader can come up with more appropriate descriptors.
Posted May 17, 2017. Last edited May 17, 2017.
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30 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
0.7 hrs on record
tl;dr:
- if not achievement hunter, steer clear.
- if achievement hunter, no tl;dr.

In 7+ years of being on Steam, this has been the first time i requested a refund.

As an achievement hunter who's mildly tormented by the tug of war between the awareness of the futility of it all and the slight satisfaction of a new trivial completion—but who does it anyway—I've gotten as used to playing with ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥t as a manure farmer.

I attempt to maintain a healthy and balanced diet of good games that are enjoyable to play and crap games that serve simultaneously as another AGC boost, a +1 on the perfect games counter, and/or (as it's become the trend these days) yield a ludicrous amount of achievements for little to no effort, time or money.

The first Pain Train was one such game. A laughably brainless asset flip concoction with close to 600 achievements that could easily be completed in less than an hour. They were all straightfowardly quantitative stuff such as 'fire this type of weapon x times' or 'kill x zombies'. Then you had 12 remaining achievements, each for completing one of the 12 levels, and those were exploitable because you could just complete the first level (the easiest one) 12 times and it would unlock all of them.

Pain Train 2 is almost the same thing. Comparing the two, the irrelevant differences are that it has more achievements (720) and all achievements but one are 'kill x enemies'. The remaining achievement, much like in the first game is also (and more clearly stated) 'complete any 12 levels'.

The relevant difference here is that the first level is annoyingly much much harder than on the first game. Ironically it's also much harder than all the other levels on the same game as well (i hear), as you start with just a pistol and won't unlock new and more powerful weapons until you beat the first level. Which to me didn't seem like an easy deed as the generators you're supposed to destroy spawn an ungodly amount of enemies much faster than the other game. I would find myself inescapably swarmed by the time i managed to destroy one (of 3?) generators, every time.

It could be argued that i should 'git gud' at it. Some people have completed it, and I'm sure many more will persevere. And while in general that sounds like a good point, I would argue that personally, something that makes me sad on the insides is not worth gitin gud at.

Since in reality this isn't really a game, but an achievement piñata, its difficulty on the very first level is unnecessary and counterproductive.

Price is the last factor, one I wouldn't consider commenting on given how relative it can be. What's expensive to one person is peanuts to another, and time/price doesn't hold much objective value since a short game could easily provide a richer experience than hundreds of hours of mediocrity.

I feel fine making an exception here though. If you set the other achievement piñata games or even the first Pain Train as the True North of pricing, you'll realize that this game costs, at 40% launch discount, four times their price.
Posted March 17, 2017. Last edited March 18, 2017.
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16 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
440.8 hrs on record
It's the same Skyrim that possibly devoured so many hours of your life in the past, but with the 3 DLCs already integrated in the game.

The difference is not in the content, but in the 64-bit architecture that allows modding to be done with less performance impact and taking advantage of DX11.

There are some 'out of the box' improvements in the graphics. For example, 64-bit allows for a longer distance object draw - you see things further. There were also some lighting tweaks that are mostly noticeable at those magical times of the day when the sun is either rising or setting. Inside dungeons or buildings things seem to look the same. There's also a depth of field slider that I don't remember existing in the old one. It's worth mentioning that five years later people still use Skyrim as screenshot porn.

So, comparing old vanilla Skyrim to vanilla Skyrim SE, there are minor graphical improvements, but anyone whose graphics argument consists of comparing heavily modded old Skyrim to vanilla Skyrim SE is naturally just a dolt.

Everyone who owned the game + DLCs got SE for free, myself included. But if you didn't, there was ample warning before so you could rectify the situation if interested. Don't whine if you missed the choo-choo train.

But even if you didn't get it for free, I don't know, these things are relative, but this game is so vast it seems almost eternal. With the amount of classes and different playstyles and mods to explore, it might as well be as close to that as it gets. Wouldn't this money be better spent here than on those 2 or 3 overpriced ♥♥♥♥♥♥ Early Access games you thought would be oh so interesting?
Posted November 28, 2016. Last edited November 28, 2016.
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892 people found this review helpful
80 people found this review funny
79.6 hrs on record
I love this game.

The only reason I haven't played more of it to date is the same reason I'm giving it a thumbs down. It shouldn't have left Early Access.

When I started playing it (March '15) it was already out of it and therefore supposedly a full release.

I dipped my toes in every map and made some progress here and there, until one day they released an update and I found out my 20-something hours worth of advances had been wiped out with it.

Looking around in the forums, it soon became apparent that it wasn't just me nor was this the first time it happened. In fact it happened with every single update done before. Others had lost much more time than I did.

This would be excusable were the game in alpha/beta stage or even still Early Access and things were getting ironed out. Or if it was a 'rogue-like' or 'casual' game. Instead, this is the Dark Souls of truck driving games (set in some kind of deserted Russian Woodstock) and saving your progress is not something to dream about but a fundamental feature that is already there and works. Well, until they do another update.

To be clear, I'm speaking of the single player aspect of the game only, as multiplayer has no saving options to date.

Irked out, I forgot about it for some time, and came back a while later. This time I didn't split my attention on several maps, aware of the risk it would all go down the drain at any point. Soon enough came another update, and down the drain those extra few hours did go.

In the wake of complaints in the forums, I remember reading an announcement by Oovee stating they would be having a meeting with the developer (I paraphrase) and would 'explain to him how important maintaining the saved game progress across updates seemed to be to the players'. Which to me is nothing short of fascinating. That such a basic and obvious priority needs to be told to a developer. Over a future meeting, no less.

Today, about half a year later, came another update and, unsurprisingly, another wipe. Wonder how that meeting went.

If you're on the fence and somehow stumble upon this, consider it a heads up that shouldn't get you out of the fence anyway, because I actually think the game is great, and it is perfectly playable as long as you don't wait too long to pick up where you left. The longer you wait, the higher the chance you'll have to start from scratch.

I'll update the direction my two cents are spinning if I ever become aware of this issue getting resolved. As it stands, Spintires suffers from a lack of respect for its players' time.
Posted October 28, 2015. Last edited October 28, 2015.
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20 people found this review helpful
1.1 hrs on record
My thoughts go out to anyone who, for whatever reason, bought this thing at full price. After 1 hour playing Day One: Garry's Incident, I was overcome with a feeling of shame for ever giving any other game a bad review, because the reason for those just seem petty now in comparison.

The game starts with a cutscene drenched in screen tearing even though vsync was enabled. I then find myself (as Garry) strapped to a stone altar of sorts in the second cutscene after which I must perform an action (mashing a button) to free myself before an awfully animated shaman ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sacrificially stabs me. During this whole scene there is absolutely no ingame sound, not even crickets. It's like they forgot to include the sound files related to that event in the game.

After freeing myself and making that ♥♥♥♥♥♥ animation meet its demise, I find this scantily clad indigenous babe chained next to the altar and I'm faced with the choice of either freeing or killing her. Being a gentleman (one who sports a blade in case things go sour anyways) I decide to let her go, but I'm using a gamepad and the controls I'm being shown onscreen keep switching randomly between keyboard and gamepad directions, so I end up having to guess what to press only to hear her whimper as I kill her accidentally. Now she's dead, oh welp. I hit her again because... because yes, and she blurts out the same cry. And again, and again, and again. Outstanding. From now on it can only get better.

Now I'm wandering around the temple until I find a piece of cloth and get instructions to craft it into bandages. I do that, and then I place two bandages in the crafting window to see if I could further combine them, and that's when our Garry says it out loud: "UH-OH!" and the game just crashes, with an UDK failure pop-up on Windows and all. That was actually funny because it seemed like he had suddenly become sentient (with a touch of clairvoyance) to our out-of-game reality, and I would naturally have considered a feature like that a pro, had I not found after relaunching the game that Garry says that every time you try to combine un-craftable things. Disappointment.

Voice acting is not something I'm picky about, but here it is a thing to behold. I feel however I lack the vocabulary to describe something like that, and that it would be like trying to transcribe the humour in someone else's stand-up comedy act through written word. YouTube is just around the corner if you're curious.

Given the red wall of top rated negative reviews glaring at you from the front page of the game's store, where even the couple of positive reviews are either sarcastic or humorously and explicitly trying to not be flagged as 'innapropriate' by the dev (who seems to have tried to do that with no success), you'd have to be blind, stupid, masochistic or possess some real next-level avant-garde sense of irony to buy this game.

But if like me you got this in a bundle (with other games that you wanted) for nearly nothing, you might feel compelled to let its trading cards drop at some point. When you do that I'd humbly suggest playing the game while you wait for the drops rather than just idling, just so you can experience first-hand what will likely be the most ludicrous attempt at a game that you've ever played. If not for science, then for the sheer comedic value. And unless you're much more easily amused than I, the comedic value will last about as long as it takes for the cards to drop, at which point it will be the right time to quit and uninstall this garbage.

Not that I'm trying to tell you how to live or anything.
Posted June 1, 2014.
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76 people found this review helpful
16.2 hrs on record
3.141592651527/3.141592653589

Had to take aspirin after last 3 sessions.

Wouldn't play it again, but I'm glad I did.
Posted May 23, 2014.
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Showing 1-7 of 7 entries