as a 533 year old art critic, i haven't been as excited for a new selfie since leonarda de_vinci painted "Mona Lisa" in 1506. the filters applied mimic the brush strokes of the great old master painters, and remind me of an art now forgotten. the tapestry of RGB pixels on my Pixel 2 (rooted btw, with arch) can be seen as a tapestry of woven light, an ethereal glow from the product of arcane technology, a chiaroscuro of the digital era. at the same time, it excites the mind with strategically applied rhinestones by bringing a real je ne sais quoi (french for kiss girls or something) that de_vinci2 could never dream of with his earthly pigments. the limitations of a renaissance portraiture really have been pushed. putting it on snapchat really brings a sense of fleeting beauty to the selfie. destined to disappear from the digital ether in 24 hours, we are reminded of the ephemeral and often temporal nature of beauty, a poignant (more like pregnant) commentary

"during an interview, bobby has this to say:" (while wearing rainbow overalls that were a bit too tight and a Cthulhu (no relation) hair clip)

"we were doing our usual foreplay, which is just biting each other and practicing wresting moves we saw John Cena do, when we broke a light and realized that sudden darkness really turned us on, so we got a light dimmer installed, and to our surprise the next time we used it the whole sun went out!"

*john cena voice (AI generated)*
"you can definitely say this is one power couple!"

breaking news **TRIUMPHANT MUSIC**

THIS JUST IN, lesbians have intercourse for the first time and accidentally cause a solar eclipse.

*joe biden AI voice (must be AI)*
"hello folks, Joe Biden here, it's so joeover for straight couples, as NASA recently discovered that lesbians have intercourse for the first time can cause a solar eclipse if they bump into a dimmer light switch while biting each other"

*joe biden looks at the camera and winks*
"alice and bobby (dead name "bob" [this is a computer science joke!]) recently installed a new light dimmer to spice the intercourse up"

phalangite

+rep a literal vampire
-rep stole my blood and didn't give it back :(

very slyly and yaoily.