it's 4/20 today 😳 😱 but I'm not smoking weed 🌿 🍁 😏 🚬 I'm smoking 💨 😜 the bible 😇 🙏 📕 because heaven ⬆️ 😍 👐 😂 is the highest you can get 🙌 😤

So I met this girl who worked at Starbucks, and I worked up the courage to ask her on a date after a couple of conversations at the register. She was a month older than me but I didn’t really care, she was fun to be around. So we took a walk along the beach, and we kissed in the pale moonlight, a full moon, it was really romantic. We started really getting into it, and she slowly unzipped my jeans, she reaches inside and starts kissing her way down my chest, she finally gets all the way down, looks up at me with the most seductive eyes I’ve ever seen and says “No thanks, I had Reese’s for breakfast” and I’m like “No way, you had candy for breakfast?” She replies, “Not candy! Reese’s puffs cereal!” So she sliiiiides me a bowl. I crunch into it and WHAM! My mouth goes crazy! That smooth combo of peanut butter and chocolate-y taste attacking my taste buds! She zips my pants back up and says “And it’s part of this complete breakfast!”

today📆IS😳Saint Fat Dicks Day😵🍆🌽and the horny👀leprechauns🍀are out🌈on the prowl😲for a pot🚽of pussy😲so cross✌your fingers & keep👏on the look😱out for good☘️luck & also👅💦good cock🐔& be careful👼not to drink👄too much beer🍻and/or human😂urine🍺tonight

u have to... be my girlfriend!! *snickers nefariously* /thinks to self/ 'man, if this works, ill get this cute girl to be my girlfriend and i'll ride the cool roller coasters! cmon, luck be a lady tonight!' *crosses fingers and gulps* s-so... *adjusts collar and looks firmly* what do you say to my proposal? *waits patiently*

Oh dear, I know who that artist is.

no homo

Fellas...
Is it gay to exist? I mean, don't get me wrong, buddos, let me just explain: By existing, you cannot deny you are occupying the same plane of existence as another man's penis. Now, pals, I don't know about you, but to me ...
... that sounds pretty fuckin' gay.