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89 of 89 (100%) achievements earned:

Personal Achievements
 
Unlocked Nov 20, 2015 @ 3:56am

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked Nov 20, 2015 @ 4:53am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked Nov 20, 2015 @ 4:21am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked Jul 7, 2016 @ 11:00am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Cesar Millan is Gay

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked Jul 7, 2016 @ 9:00am

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked Jul 7, 2016 @ 10:40am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
Unlocked Nov 20, 2015 @ 7:44am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked Jul 7, 2016 @ 11:00am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked Jul 7, 2016 @ 11:11am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked Nov 20, 2015 @ 3:55am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked Nov 20, 2015 @ 7:35am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked Jul 7, 2016 @ 11:11am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Gary vs. a Giant Penis

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Ape Rape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Ode to Eddings

Deactivated all of the Vend-A-Cure XJ-2 units.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Bitches Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

BioShocked

Spent $5,000 on vending machines.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

Reddit's Famous Double Dong

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 30 people in the balls.
Unlocked Aug 29, 2016 @ 12:25am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!





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