United Kingdom (Great Britain)
:yinandyang: :redstarkr: "Gene Starwind, what are you looking for? Where will your heart's desire take you? What will satisfy you? Gene Starwind, are you going to live, or will you die here..? The decision is yours. You're completely in charge of your own destiny—that's the only certain thing in life. So, believe in yourself, and create your own destiny. Don't fear failure. You have nothing to lose. The young only acquire 'things'.

You've come into the possession of the Outlaw Star and Melfina. The only question now is: how will you use them? Go to the Galactic Leyline. No one can stop you. Adventure is waiting for you! You should understand this by now; time is running out. Open your eyes, shout out, and continue forward! This is only the beginning of history." :redstarkr: :yinandyang:
Currently Online
Favorite Game
Hours played
Just another gamer here. I love games old and new, indie too. Quick facts:

English :england: || Summer person :paradisepalm: :SunnyDay: | Hates British weather :sadcloud: | Owned by black cat :wacthercat: | Fan of great TV shows (e.g. 24, Breaking Bad, Black Mirror) :Old_TV: | Listens to ambient, dream pop, IDM and a lot of soundtracks :FredericNote: | '90s kid :HangingController: | Occasional anime watcher :yuukoshocked: | First game was Sonic the Hedgehog (1991), a natural-born Sega fan :SonicManiaItemBox:

Razer Blade Pro 17 (2020) :LaptopGrey:
CPU: Intel® Core i7-10875H (Clock: 2.3GHz to 5.1GHz)
GPU: RTX 2070 Max-Q (8GB)
Memory: 64GB Dual-Channel DDR4
Storage: 1x1TB and 1x512GB NVMe
Display 1: 17.3" 300Hz IPS (Laptop Screen)
Display 2: 24" Samsung IPS (LS24R652FDUXEN)
Display 3: 23" LG IPS (23MP68VQ)
Display 4: XP-Pen Artist Pro 15.6"
Mouse: Razer Viper
Keyboard: Razer Cynosa Lite
Operating System: Windows 10 64-bit
NAS: Synology DS920+ (48TB Storage)
VR Headset: Oculus Quest (Using Virtual Desktop for PC/Steam games)
Handheld of Choice: Steam Deck 512GB
Favorite Group
Outlaw Star Nexus - Public Group
Discord for fans of Outlaw Star
In Chat
Review Showcase
1.7 Hours played
Like others have said, it's an unbalanced mess. The problem with Coffee Crisis is that there's a lot of quantity over quality. Too many enemies. A good beat-'em-up has waves of enemies but in a controlled environment. You clear them and move forward. And in most cases they're the same. No RNG, you get the muscle memory to know how to clear the stage better the next time. This, though? If you think twenty enemies on the screen sounds bad, try having many of those pelting you with projectiles. I'm okay with losing if I deserved to lose, but there's no balance to this game. There's too many respawns and most things happen at random.

Speaking of beating the game, here's another thing you'll encounter: too many passwords. ONE password is too many. I'm guessing the developers wanted to be cool and make it seem all retro with passwords. I mean, it really wouldn't be hard to implement save games in a Unity game. Especially when the alternative is your customers having to input dozens of passwords to overcome your poorly designed levels. It feels needlessly archaic. Even plenty of '90s games had battery backups on the cartridges.

Too many shaders. Why is this a thing? I thought it was kind of weird when it had graphics modes when I started it for the first time, like basic and ultra. Since I have a good system I went with ultra but I wondered why when it's a 2D game. Well it's because the developers decided to throw in a bunch of shaders for no apparent reason. I suppose they put them in because they look cool? (Which kind of contradicts the whole passwords because retro thing.) But the thing is, they don't look cool. They look annoying. You like being swarmed by enemies? Try it when the screen is divided into lots of distorted hexagons. I guess it's supposed to be like seeing the game through the eyes of a bee? But why? How about a fuzzy black/white one, or dozens of others? They serve no real purpose and they're a hindrance, not a help.

Player control feels very janky. I felt the need to completely abandon the use of weapons because of how cumbersome it is. Use weapons and you'll probably be pelted by projectiles without doing much damage to the enemies. You can make use of holding the punch button for a power attack, but even then some enemies are able to lunge and hit you before you have a chance. Getting hit that way or by the projectiles you'll always be attempting to dodge cancels the charged power attack.

Finally, too many dollars. Considering how flawed this is, the asking price is absurd. Fortunately I got it very cheap. You can get some true indie classics for this game's normal Steam cost. I'd say that you should only consider it for a dollar or two, but you'll almost certainly be disappointed so probably not even then. On the bright side, the music is fairly good and the pixel art is passable. Sadly, they're the only good things I can say about this game.

Recent Activity

0.8 hrs on record
last played on Aug 12
0.4 hrs on record
last played on Aug 11
1.5 hrs on record
last played on Aug 11
Deb007 Apr 11 @ 1:07pm 
Added For Postal 2
Syriusz Apr 10 @ 8:56am 
hi, will you intererested to trade Ghostrunner for Spyro?
Mantis Mar 28 @ 7:04am 
Steam Deck is here! :Smiler:
RNGesus Mar 27 @ 8:46am 
you cannot defeat Mantis
IL PALLINO Feb 17 @ 1:09pm 
....To tell a secret, I'm working on two more reviews right now, and they'll both be negative in spite of the fact I'm really enjoying one of the games.
IL PALLINO Feb 17 @ 8:29am 
Why thank you. I had to add a TL;DR section after awhile since a lot of people only want a mere recommendation in no more than one paragraph. It would be interesting to know how many developers have reported my reviews. I'm pretty sure Posh (the Arcade Tycoon developer) reported mine, but had to settle for banning all of my screenshots! (I don't have to mention that these were unedited screenshots and perfectly SFW.)