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38 of 89 (43%) achievements earned:

Personal Achievements
 
Unlocked May 6, 2014 @ 9:31pm

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 7:37am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 7:35pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked May 6, 2014 @ 10:08pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 7:12pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 11:28pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked May 8, 2014 @ 6:39pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked May 9, 2014 @ 2:49am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked May 10, 2014 @ 1:52am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked May 10, 2014 @ 9:02pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked May 10, 2014 @ 1:36am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked May 8, 2014 @ 5:20am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 6:00pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 11:21pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked May 12, 2016 @ 5:51am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked May 10, 2014 @ 1:58am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 8:22am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked May 8, 2014 @ 4:04am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked May 8, 2014 @ 6:30pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked May 10, 2014 @ 1:55am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 7:42pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked May 8, 2014 @ 5:31am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 11:27pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked Jul 29, 2016 @ 10:27pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked May 6, 2014 @ 6:02am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 7:38am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked May 7, 2014 @ 9:02am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked Jul 29, 2016 @ 9:53pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked May 8, 2014 @ 8:30pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked May 9, 2014 @ 2:38am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked May 10, 2014 @ 9:03pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked Jul 28, 2016 @ 9:55am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2016 @ 10:33pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2016 @ 10:27am

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked Aug 4, 2016 @ 6:36am

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked Aug 7, 2016 @ 5:52am

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked May 12, 2016 @ 6:07am

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2016 @ 5:14am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.



Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Gay

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
22 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
7 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
0 / 30

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
0 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
0 / 3

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
10 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
12 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 20

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
14 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $5,000 on vending machines.
1,165 / 5,000

Reddit's Famous Double Dong

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
4 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 30 people in the balls.
8 / 30
+13

13 hidden achievements remaining

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