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3 of 10 (30%) achievements earned:

Personal Achievements
 
Unlocked Mar 14 @ 10:52pm

Click on door 430 five times.

Click on door 430 five times.
Unlocked Mar 16 @ 5:21pm

Welcome back!

Quit the game and then start it again.
Unlocked Mar 14 @ 10:52pm

You can't jump

No seriously, we disabled it.



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Achievement

This is an achievement.

Commitment

Play The Stanley Parable for the entire duration of a Tuesday.

Speed run

Complete The Stanley Parable in under 4 minutes 22 seconds (not including load times)

Go outside

Don't play The Stanley Parable for five years.

Beat the game

Complete The Stanley Parable.

Unachievable

It is impossible to get this achievement.