wooden-chainsaw
Ain't that a kick in the head?
 
 
Hi, I'm The Pizza-Loving Turtle and I spend too much.
If my unorthodox name didn't dissuade you already, welcome to my profile!

A.K.A. Majora's Mask 3D, Splat Splat 2, Cantankerous Caber, Fast Food, Half-Blind Spiderino, Kirby Good-Boy Tier, 🅑🅞🅜🅑, Justabomb, and almostdefault (RIP but not really), wooden-chainsaw etc.

I'd say you're a pretty decent person. After all, you did decide to take the time to read my little summary, so thanks. Even if you came to this profile to dig up dirt on me or something, thanks for taking the time to visit.

Thank you for reading this! :demoticon:
Currently Offline
Last Online 2 hrs, 15 mins ago
Artwork Showcase
Fish With a Mug
8
Screenshot Showcase
In which I spend an hour goofing off with the tools to create an Inkling posing. This'll be good for art refs, I can tell.
2 2
Hardly Working: Turtle's Log
There isn't much to say here, is there? Oh well.

Hi there.

(October/19/2017 A.D.)
The new Springtron boss is pretty fun to play against. I especially like how his ability is like a reverse of Springman's. Instead of buffing his own ARMS, he can now disable yours. I highly recommend fighting him on Lv. 7, but I have yet to beat him using motion controls. I hope to accomplish that soon.

(October/21/2017 A.D.)
The wait for Super Mario Odyssey is thrilling.

(November/2/2017 A.D.)
Maybe Odyssey was a little overhyped? I'm enjoying it, I just feel like the older Mario games had more fun objectives.

(November/18/2017 A.D., 10:54 A.M.)
The Sci-Fi vs. Fantasy Splatfest is pretty fun.

(February/3/2018 A.D., 9:08 P.M.)
Driving is exhausting.

(February/9/2018 A.D., 4:57 P.M.)
People don't seem to like these friends of mine. Shame.

(March/3/2018 A.D., 7:39 P.M.)
It's hard trusting people from my experience!

(April/19/2018 A.D., 9:03 P.M.)
People in Awesomenauts get mad when you're not good at the game, like me.

(April/29/2018 A.D., 12:47 P.M.)
People get mad at me in the car too. I think I'm just not that good at much without making someone upset, huh?

(May/22/2018 A.D. 6:23 A.M.)
Life's bland, man.

(July/16/2018 A.D. 6:43 P.M.)
Summer seems to go by so fast.

(September/1/2018 A.D. 8:48 A.M.)
College really sucks if I'm honest. If you wanna sink money into further education, you'd better be willing to put up with the same trash they give you in high school and wake up early.

(September/5/2018 A.D. 8:15 P.M.)
I spent $3.33 on a Strange Ullapool Caber for a joke. I don't think it was worth it.

(September/20/2018 A.D. 9:03 P.M.)
Nintendo Switch Online sorta just proved the above entry that there are worse things to spend your money on.

(October/9/18 A.D. 9:28 P.M.)
I'm pretty sure I'm failing since I've missed several quizzes and homework assignments, but y'know what? Screw off, college, I'm trying to relax. I'm not "sticking it to the man" so much as I'm sick and tired of this education bull.

(October/22/18 A.D. 7:00 P.M.)
My genuine bad memory made me forget something important, and I screwed up my chance on a good grade. Whoops, college.

(December/31/2018 A.D. 7:46 P.M.)
Happy almost New Year everybody. I'm going to really hate going back to college, so for the next two free weeks I'm still alive and enjoy being alive before school, I hope you guys had a decent year. Sucks that I missed that Smash Splatfest and the launch of Ultimate, but all in all this last month of the year ended on a good note.

(February/1/2019 A.D. 4:36 A.M.)
I have a quiz today. Also, let's hope that this month is more interesting than last month. Really the only thing noting is that Instagram apparently has an egg as its new "most-liked" post. That and Fallout 76 getting something wrong again.

I hope I have enough data to play the Waffles and Pancakes Splatfest.

(February/11/2019 A.D. 6:36 P.M.)
I only had enough data to play like a few minutes.

I dreamed about my death today, and I was so fascinated when I woke up. Probably not a great sign, but it's the only dream I can remember in a while.

(February/19/2019 A.D. 11.32 P.M.)
Very salty recently. There's a lot of it, woof.

(February/21/2019 A.D. 8:21 P.M.)
I'm doing poorly in grades and in other things, but heaven forbid I make an effort to change.

(March/5/2019 A.D. 9:27 P.M.)
One of my teachers chewed me out for skipping their class multiple times, including during a midterm. Trust me, I don't want to be in your class either, but I have to stay in and pass the minimum amount in order to graduate, so I'm staying.

It's on me for being lazy, but that interaction is bringing my opinion of schools or teachers up any more than it is lowering it.

(March/15/2019 A.D. 8:46 P.M.)
Someone on my friends list tried to scam me or was hijacked by someone trying to scam me. Either way, that's probably a prank you save for after getting to know someone instead of getting back in touch with them.

They even used the classic "I got scammed :(" routine before directing me to the "Steam admin". Not cool, but that's to be expected from the Internet I guess.

(March/19/2019 A.D. 9:27 A.M.)
Dude was hacked and lost all his items. I feel bad, but probably not as bad as he does.
Review Showcase
4,259 Hours played
At this point, Team Fortress 2 reviews have been riddled with so many hat jokes, taunt jokes, complaints about each passing update that it is almost a tradition to mention them.

As much as that sounds like an overused meme, that is somewhat the game at this point. Years and years of constant love and care from the community and updates that end in keyboards broken thanks to the lovely developers have resulted in this amazing abomination of a game that is TF2. Now yes, Team Fortress 2 can be a hat simulator or a dancing game without any of the exercise. Except it actually has plot.

The lore of Team Fortress 2 has been captured in the comics you can find online, but I will just skip right to the point. Two brothers want to inherit land from their deceased father, but only one can get all the land. So, in order to prevail over the other, they pay a bunch of mercenaries to wear their favorite colors, RED (Reliable Excavation Demolition) and BLU (Builder's League United) to kill each other because... It helps?

With that imperative information that I am sure is necessary for understanding the concept of the game, I must say that the gameplay is a blend of intense firefights, strategic positioning, and wackiness all around. The beauty of Team Fortress 2 is that it hardly takes itself seriously. There are guns made specifically for firing at the ground that launch you into the air and you can be healed by either sophisticated, cutting-edge medical equipment on the go, or you can eat a delicious sandwich and recover literally all of your health in four to five seconds provided you do not get stabbed in the back with a knife.

That being said you CAN take the game seriously. There are so many competitive guidelines set by the community and those in charge of game development that it is almost bewildering. So many techniques and movement options are used, and the people who master the basics are pretty much the guys you see in public servers talking trash and beating up your teammates with hardly a shred of pity. And as much as you hate them, you gotta respect them because they are essentially the model of what one should be to carry your team to victory. Except for the trash talking, you should... Probably stop that. Lime-colored taunting little-

Speaking of paint and taunts, there is a huge amount of customization in this game. Like I said beforehand, everyone has already made a bunch of jokes about the amount of hats in TF2. For good reason too, over half of the playerbase has spent their money on virtual hats that do not amount to anything other than looking cool. There have been people going coo-coo over hats that are burning or have clouds over them. Just because of those effects, they are effectively priced as high as an actual video game or two that you could buy.

ONE Unusual hat in a virtual game could probably substitute for your grocery list in price.

Team Fortress 2 is free-to-play, but the main challenge you will face is learning to save up your money in the face of a billion cosmetic items and taunts, taunts of which you can use to dance around like a loonatic while everyone else is dying around you. If you do not spend any money on this game, that is fantastic! You successfully managed to save up your money for more important things! Like virtual knives or that one Carlton taunt because hey, it was not an Unusual, at least.

Moving on, one thing that keeps this game pumping blood after so many years is the community. The community is...It's something both spectacular and something that might make you want to do painful things to your computer.

Giving credit where credit is due, without the fanatics, I doubt this game would have lived on as long as it has. There is so many community influences; in the game, there are dozens of community created maps that people play on and enjoy. Thousands of people can join in thanks to the game being free. The game has lived on for almost a decade, and the heart and soul that goes into every ounce of the game is almost unprecedented. There are gamemodes, servers, custom items, mods, fan-art, little bits that seem like they should be obvious which they are for a multiplayer game, but it is just insane how much support has gone into this.

Unfortunately, as with every dozens of sunny days that passes by, there always comes a hurricane. There are a few things I've noticed about the game. Change is literally the bane of every single entity that is involved in TF2. The fans go absolutely bonkers over weapon statistic changes of the sort, going ham on their keyboards. Valve seems like it is trying to cater to the fans, but each update just alienates more and more players. People have been begging for things like competitive, autobalance being removed, and new, real weapons being added to the game, but it seems as though Valve always has to involve some twist.

To top it all off, there are those outspoken people in the community who are also a bit of a double-edged sword. A few are just plain elitists. Let me give you a few examples.

"You know Call of Duty? More like Call of Booty."
"You know Overwatch? More like Oversocks."
"You know being polite?"

...Okay that's too far.

Apologies. That aside the gameplay of Team Fortress 2 is pretty diverse. You have nine classes to pick from, and boy are they something.

The Scout is a speedy Boston man whose juvenile attitude makes you forget that he is actually at least twenty-three years old. He has a shotgun who is insecure about its name, so it decided to change it to Scattergun to be unique. He also has a bunch of radioactive soda that makes him the Flash.

The Soldier is a action movie hero reject who has war delusions. He can soar like the majestic eagle he so very admires for being the symbol of his country with the aid of a Rocket Launcher. Also, he can use Legend of Zelda tunes to provide buffs for the team.

The Pyro is adorable, and starts fires. For some reason, Pyro is the subject of much gender identity confusion. Which at this point is not surprising considering the amound of genders society has. He sets people on fire and is hated by everyone who cannot reach healthpacks.

The Demoman blows people up with bombs, and has a drinking problem! He is also a knight for some reason... He had his eye stolen by magics. This is usually a Halloween centric plot point.

The Heavy is one of the deepest characters but that might just be due to the comics and his inclusion in Poker Night. Yet everyone treats him as an idiot for some reason. He is muscular and has a bunch of giant guns he likes naming. He also enjoys fine meals.

The Engineer is a cowboy who likes building murder weapons around himself. He is practically nothing in gamemodes where you cannot build. But in regular TF2, he's a pretty neat guy to hang around with, so is his turret, as long as you are wearing his favorite color.

The Medic is the guy who thrives on disappointment. He heals you and he has a pet bird. Medic mains can be call you out on things you do wrong because they are the ones behind you.

The Sniper is one of the only people in the game who can shoot you in the head and cause lots of damage because he brought a rifle and a bunch of dead animals. Also alive animals. He is a Counter-Strike.

The Spy is literally just Metal Hitman's Creed in a suit. He kills people in one hit kinda like the Sniper only with knives. He is also invisible and destroys buildings using boxes. While using his box, he occasionally tries to ignore Wheatly from Portal.

TL;DR, At the end of the day, Team Fortress 2 is a video game where you shoot people, wear hats, and dance the night away, and it will have my attention for quite a long time, and hopefully the community's as well, because it is a great game with a fantastic (most of the time) community.

AND BECAUSE IT'S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE.

Recent Activity

294 hrs on record
last played on Apr 19
51 hrs on record
last played on Apr 16
4,259 hrs on record
last played on Apr 16
Shadow Nutt~ Apr 8 @ 3:56pm 
Sick~
wooden-chainsaw Apr 7 @ 11:45pm 
Oh, yeah I actually got it. It was like ten to fifteen dollars. Give or take. Found it at an electronic store.
Shadow Nutt~ Apr 7 @ 10:31pm 
Is that a blooper plushie that actually own? how much was it?
wooden-chainsaw Apr 6 @ 1:22pm 
Thanks?
TheRagamuffinKing Apr 6 @ 11:45am 
I think you left yourself up on Security Challenge.
wooden-chainsaw Mar 20 @ 8:38am 
Well, thanks Sparks.