Have you, someone you know or literally anyone you've ever seen in the entirety of your miserable existence wish there was something more to life? Well, then I have the solution for you!*

Buy a collection of sticks I stuck together with some glue I found outside a dumpster**. If my aunt will drive me to where you live, the shipping is free. If not, $30.

Will accept dodgy steam codes bought through credit card fraud as payment.

The sticks are designed with the utmost care to resemble† a figure of your choosing, and may or may not function as a voodoo doll when combined with a clump of their hair.

Not tested on animals! Vegan friendly! Gluten-Free.

Shipping non-refundable.

*Warning, product not proven to give purpose to life. Purely for entertainment purposes. Don't sue.
**Not FDA or CDC approved. In fact, I have no idea where it came from, but it was free and that improves by profit margin, which now stands at 600%, so I don't care. If your kids get glaucoma, that's your problem, not mine.***
***The above counts as a disclaimer. If you or your child get glaucoma from the LollyStick PopVinyl™, you were warned, and as per the EULA (www.linkhere.com) , which you agreed to by purchasing the LollyStick PopVinyl™ (Henceforth "The Product"), you accept the risk of glaucoma and all disease, viruses, and bacteria that are currently known to exist and any that have yet to be discovered.
†Tangentially.


Do you find cutting fruit and vegetables boring? Want to spice it up? Use our 9000 Degree* Kitchen Knife kit to really fire things up!

The pack includes:
1x Heat Tempered Knife**
3x Blowtorches
Enough Gas to Blow Parliament Up Guy Fawkes Style***
A pipe to connect items 2 and 3.
Fire-proof† Gloves
Instructions how not to die.

Price - Only $6000! $4000! $1500! Special discount, just for you! Lasts for the next 15 seconds . Hurry now and buy it! Otherwise you'll miss this cool offer and your friends will think you're not cool.††

NOTICE: All sales of the "9000 Degree Kitchen Knife! Kit" have been suspended following the use of the kit in the death of sixteen people, and the bombing of the local parliamentary building. Our thoughts are with the families of the recently departed, and we hope that we will soon be able to once again provide you with high quality, safe, fire related products.

*Kelvin
**ish
*** DISCLAIMER: Axelian Resellers & Co. LTD does not, in anyway, endorse illegal demolitions of state owned property, but assuming it is part of a plot to take over the country, and it succeeds, Axelian Resellers & Co. LTD does not condemn the act either. Unless the incumbent powers succeed in quelling the upcoming revolution; In which case, yes, we (Henceforth "The Company".) do. Harshly.
†Retardant. Not proof.
††We, the Company, do not represent your friends. But we would certainly think you are both a fool and a loser to miss out on a deal like this.