Terror Trousers
New Jersey, United States
 
 
:steamsalty:I hate video games.:steamsalty:
Currently Offline
Last Online 2 days ago
Screenshot Showcase
Eventually I will get tired of uploading silly-ass cutscene still featuring the zebra mask, but that time has not yet come.
Review Showcase
Upon a winter's night quite cold
I loaded up a game Steam sold
The trucking sim of much acclaim
While thinking, “what a stupid game.”

At first I tried to play my way
By squishing peds and bringing pain
“Where are the cops?” I asked myself
Trying to earn my place in Hell.

But time went on I grew bored
I'd do one run and then ignore
This game that they’d called 'Comfy Truck'
And then move on without a-

BUT WAIT! I'm almost out of time!
Just have some faith, I'll cross that line!
But time was past and pay was docked
My world was shattered, faith was rocked.

“Well just one more.” I grumbled low
I loaded up and hit the road
"I've got it now." as off I went
Soon to delete local content.

Passed peaceful pastures in the night
I saw a sunrise blinding bright
I guess this game's not all that bad
Though not the best I've ever had.

Pop playing on the radio
In harmony with my Volvo
This siren sought to bring me sleep
While consciousness I fought to keep.

I showed up, docked and dropped my charge
At a nondescriptive harbor yard
“Just one more time,” said my girlfriend
“Tomorrow you can play again.”

But no, I knew I couldn't stop
The needs of commerce never drop
If it be chemicals or steel
I had to keep turning those wheels.

So down the road I charged once more
Through France, Poland and Luxembourg
And soon a thought occurred to me
Could this be what they call ‘comfy’?

If slow and peaceful is your aim
You'll not do better than this game
Now just real quick here's a rundown
So you’re running when you hit the ground.

You move cargo from A to B
I'd recommend quite hastily
If you do well and earn your pay
Then manage other drivers days.

And so with that ends my review
I hope maybe you’ll try it too
In here you'll find no gun or knife
But I enjoy the trucking life.
Noganap Aug 11, 2016 @ 1:54pm 
..._/ }
..`>' \
...`| \
....| /'-. .-. kooked on my man
....\' ';`--' .'
.....\'. `'-./ u hav been bootlg cheknd
......'.`"-..-;`
........`;-..'
........_| _|
........./` /`
Noganap Jun 24, 2016 @ 10:24pm 
Im friending you soley on your hilarious kidnapped review. Thanks for the lol
הנניה Jan 23, 2016 @ 1:58am 
Expressive reviews, 😃
hadvanced hacktivist Aug 19, 2015 @ 1:47pm 
cheeki breeki iskibunyip
ViZioN_GALAXY Jan 3, 2015 @ 11:15am 
Love your reviews, bro!
Klondike Bar Dec 3, 2014 @ 2:57pm 
Your reviews are art 10/10