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Garfield Gets a Massive Boner

Garfield was looking at his favorite dish, lasagna. "wow," said Garfield, "This lasagna looks good… like really good. This sounds weird, but I'm getting feelings for this lasagna that I've never felt before. Feelings that are sexual."

Suddenly, Garfield had a massive boner. He beheld the boner with measured glee. Slightly right-biased and powerfully turgid, it glistened with sweet pre-jac like the morning dew. Oh how it glistened. Without thinking, compelled by an animal force, he buried his mega-bone in the hot I-talian treat.

Just then, Jon, Garfieild's owner in a blue shirt, walked into the room. Note that the background is blue like in the comics. "Argh!" Jon said, as he tore at his hair. "My life is ruined! Garfield, you shouldn't put your ♥♥♥♥ in other people's food! It's just not hygienic!"

Garfield wasn't going to take this from a little betch like Jon. "Hey Jon, you betch. Stop being the worst human being. I think that when you die and go to hell, hell will just be a mirror, because that's what your hell would be; just being with you. That's what everyone's hell would be." Except Garfield couldn't really say that because he has the graceless lips and tongue of a cat – Garfield cannot actually talk.

"That's just not fair! Not only do you have to show off your large, admittedly magnificent ♥♥♥♥, you also have to put it in my food! Grr, it's not fair! You get everything and now I find out that your anatomy is better then mine! All the girls would like me so much better if I had that glorious, Zeus of a ♥♥♥♥ of yours…" Jon then looked at a fruit bowl on his table. He noticed a bananan in between two apples. Suddenly he started glowing. "Hey… I know! Oh Garfield, do you want to do a favor for me? I have a date at seven today and I want to impress my date… like really impress her." Garfield understands none of this. He is a cat. His feline brain is not sophisticated enough to process more than "eat lasagna" and "violate lasagna." Thus, he does not comprehend the dark machinations of Mr. Arbuckle, who plans to impress his date by also ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ the lasagna.

Just then Nermal came out of nowhere. "Hey Garfield, I came to visit you!" Garfield hates Nermal because he's a little betch cat who thinks he's sooo much better then everyone so Garfield swung his ♥♥♥♥ and crushed Nermal with it. A grey goo was stained on his hard submarine like ♥♥♥♥. Garfield looked at his ♥♥♥♥ with pride. "You know what, you are so large and amazing I think I will call you… Moby ♥♥♥♥."
John's date arrives and he totally does not deliver. She opens the door, right? And he tries to ♥♥♥♥ the lasagna, like the cat did. But He didn't make new lasagna; she is not going to be impressed with jon's sloppy seconds