Nap all day. Sleep all night. Party never.

reasons to date me
-no pressure to wear pants in my presence
-or any clothes at all really
-but it's up to you
-u can be big spoon or little spoon
-totally your choice
-i'm always ready to make out
-also u don't even have to buy me things just maybe an ice cream cone every once in a while that's it
-i'll let you lick it though
-i mean the ice cream cone
-well not just the ice cream cone

Story []

[FP] Teddy : least the teddys are together
(Voice) [FP] Teddy: Thanks!
Player teddy7414 left the game (Disconnect by user.)
(Voice) Alienshipmaster: MEDIC!
(Voice) Ithadir: MEDIC!
[FP] Teddy : oh okay

Sometimes I throw up

I like slugs.


Met a nice guy named Stan today. Stan is in my botany class. Stan told me that he plans to use the skills he learns in botany to grow better pot. Shoot for the stars, Stan.

Ball-slapping your Grandmother since 1893

I think Swiper is my favorite villain ever. He's not trying to get famous. He's not trying to get rich. It's not like he really wants the present Dora got for Dee Dee. No, the only thing he wants is to ruin Dora's life.

I'm sitting in the darkest corner of a basement. Shivering from the cold dampness of the basement, and from being so shaken from what I've just done, a single tear rolls down my cheek. Out of the darkness a shadowy figure says "I hope it was worth it" and slides me a Klondike bar.

Shoutout to my computer screen for staring at my face all day and not throwing itself out a window.

Sometimes I cry while chopping carrots because I don't want onions to think they're ugly or something.

I like you so much that when I see you I get a boner; not like a penis boner, but a boner in my heart. A heart boner. A heart-on. An affection erection.

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you believe hard enough.

Every zoo is a petting zoo, unless you're a little bitch.

That's what I call a Batman Bummer

Tomorrow the world - Rutgar the Merchant

I like my milk to moneyshot me - Joey Bonzo

life rough but u no thats how benni roll - Benni

when i say bling bling black people beat me up

I'll still be here tomorrow, to high five you, yesterday, my friend. - The Old Tart Toter

My mom has a uterus, I lived in it once :)

If you strip completely naked, curl up in fetal position, and say your last name and first name backwards you'll be teleported to the inside of your conscious and in there you're able to rewatch old memories.
Currently Online
First I bang the drum, then I bang your mum
Playstv []
Trade me : Teddy#12752


wife: "how are we gonna tell him? he'll be devastated"
me: "i'll find a way"
our son: [drawing a picture of the family]
"hi dad"
me: "scribble the dog out"

air conditioning is just domesticated wind

STRANGER: Your dog is unusual looking
ME: Yeah, he's interbred
DUCK: [waddles up] I'll tell you who else is into bread

ey girl ur pretty thic i bet u got a curvacious butthole

She said stop smoking...
I stop smoking...
She said stop drinking alcohal...
I stop drinking alcohal...
She said stop watching ANIME...
I stop her Breathe...

One fish, two fish, red fish, it's your fucking fault Susan my blood is on your god damn hands you cheating bitch

i laid on the beach naked as my penis glistened in the sun all sweaty n shimmery it stood ferm like a strong horse

I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees. The trees say six million wasn't enough.

what kind of autopsy surgeon use a musical instrument for his job fact: I used to read autopsy as autospy, as in spy around the dead body automatically for information

I once laid down on my bed and set everything up. Like curled in and covered me with sheets. My head on the pillow and so on. Then I realised I had to put the light on again. Reminds me of this post, because when I was stuck in this moment I didn't surrender and got up to put the light on. Thx for reading.

You are angry about something. "Clam down," I text you. You assume I have made a typo, but in fact I am holding a small soldier clam in my hands. He died so young. War is hell.

Caillou is a despicable, spineless 4-year-old boy who cannot do anything. He can't grow hair, not because he has cancer or progeria, but because he sucks, and even his own body recognizes that he does not deserve hair or food or love. He has a baby sister who dominates his life because she is a normal, loving child who does not whine about the slightest fart of the breeze. Caillou's parents love her better because she is a better person.

Imagine if you will You are fucking this gurl Your wife walks in You start to argue You turn around forgetting to pull out so she's riding you like a fishing bobber Slip her off to calm your wife down Eventually talk it out over the course of a few hours Girl clears her throat You realize she's still there and can't leave Awkwardly take her back to her handlers

A: great

Q: why did the chiken running around screming
A: because it needed to use the toilot

Q:if you go to the ham contest wat will the man say
A: you won last year you are not alowed

Q: why did the skittle go bowling
A: because he is part of bowling

Q: why did tom and jerry get married
A: because tom was a boy and jerry was a boy and they were strong as a toliet

Q: whats worse than getting back a test with a zero?
A: getting back a test with 100%. brag about it. quit from school. then find out it wasent really yours. you got zero.

Q: doctor doctor i think i am a spoon
A: sit on that chair and stop staring

Q: what did a bee say to a other bee
A: i love plants

Q: why do monkeys eat banana
A: because bananas are not afraid

Q: why did the chicken marry the crocodile
A: because crocodoolaoo is good family name

Q: how does lions run faster
A: metal legs

I would rather have a BEAUTIFUL British babe wife one who wants to have sex with me like the fake Taxi videos when they have sex with the person in the taxi while they have British accents and HUGE BOOBIES and pussy vaginas for the penis.

Receiving transmission from David Bowie's nipple antennae. Do you read me, Lieutenant Bowie? I said do you read me, Lieutenant Bowie?

\ (•◡•) / A clean butthole is a good butthole \ (•◡•) /


ok so im dating a guy who also with a other girl but shes not pregnit because i already am. i want my bf to not be her because i dont want my baby to be half her. if they keep dating my baby will half me half him and half her but i want my baby to be half me and half my bf so how can i make him dump her?

Dear Athetits...If god dont exis s How me this mother bandana adotp this medicins?

if u have butt sex and someone cums in ur butt + u fart wat happens

if u have sex while pregnant is ur baby atustic

what no it's red white and blue americanhome of the free land of the brave colors

sometimes i let my phone die and envy it

Particle Man was a big time player in the underground world of the black market, Digital hat scamming. He spent 6 years of his life slitting throats and clawing his way to the top. After stealing enough hats to have accumulated a small fortune, it was obvious that Particle Man was the Corrupt King. But being Number 1 does have its dangers, one of them being all the other people looking to take your place. A Russian man by the name of Slazcroicivich decided Particle Man had spent enough time at the top. One cold stormy night, Slazcroicivich and a team of his top assassins broke into Particle Man’s hideout. They beat Particle Man until he could hardly stand. At that point, Slazcroicivich decided that enough was enough. He shot Particle Man and dumped his body off near the Low-End trading district. It seemed as though Particle Man’s fate was sealed…
It was a miracle Particle Man was still alive. Bloodied and beaten, he laid on the very cross-roads of life and death. It seemed as though all hope was lost for Particle Man. Until…
“What in Bottiger’s name? Oh my Gaben!” Shouted the voice from across the way.
The person rushed over to Particle Man. It only took a quick glance to determine that Particle Man wouldn’t last long. Knowing that the chances of an ambulance making it to the Low-End trading district in time to help him were slim, the person picked up Particle Man and dashed to safety. The mysterious stranger made haste, and reached a spot where Particle Man could be treated as quickly as possible. The person grabbed all the medical equipment they had in supply and worked fast to disinfect Particle Man’s wounds and treat his bleeding. With lack luster equipment on hand, the most the mysterious person could do was patch Particle Man up and hope for the best. Particle Man’s fate was on the wheel now, not even the stranger could tell if his journey would continue or if it would end within the hour. But as luck would have it, fate had big plans in store for Particle Man…

-Compliments of Mark
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Lawman Kyle Dec 1, 2018 @ 4:34am 
♥♥♥♥ u hymen smasher
top dog Aug 30, 2018 @ 5:55pm 
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom
You know we straight, doin', doin' your mom. [x3]
top dog Jul 23, 2018 @ 5:54pm 
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top dog Jul 10, 2018 @ 5:48pm 
(ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง
Lawman Kyle Jul 10, 2018 @ 3:11pm 
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nigward Apr 24, 2018 @ 8:12pm 
i confided in you and this is what i get in return