Jake From State Farm
1-800-clown
 
 
sorry if I don't live up to your expectations
Currently Offline
Short Story: The Piss Goblin
"be me, GM

party is two level 1 players, a tiefling rogue and a kenku ranger

come across lair of goblins who are smuggling obscene amounts of gold

tief notices one sleeping goblin in current room

kenku has favored enemy: goblins

kenku hates goblins so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ much

kenku decides he’s gonna pee on the goblin

kenku walks up to goblin

kenku’s player: “can I pee on him?”

me: “roll animal handling”

kenku gets a 19, lets loose on the goblin

goblin wakes up, gets really angry and tries to fight the party

after a bunch of no-damage altercations, tief ties up the goblin to his chair and decides to get information out of him

tief intimidates goblin

fails

kenku pisses all over the goblin again

tief intimidates goblin

success, the goblin doesn’t wanna be pissed on again

they move on

one cleared room later, kenku takes some damage and decides to go looking for food to restore HP

kenku comes back to room with urinal goblin, finds bucket of raw crab legs, eats 20

me: roll constitution

kenku: 3

kenku feels sick, walks over to goblin, puking all over him

goblin passes out

the party then defeats the boss, getting out of there while leaving the piss-and-vomit soaked goblin there"

Whoever you may be, the legend that lived up to this story, I admire you

Recent Activity

15.4 hrs on record
last played on Dec 1
35 hrs on record
last played on Dec 1
0.9 hrs on record
last played on Nov 29
This Human Being Destroyed My Minecraft House and My Life Is Ruined
Greek Jul 9, 2018 @ 7:13pm 
Planck your gonna have to add me it wont let me add yoy
postpunk Feb 2, 2018 @ 9:38pm 
haha
oxy Jan 18, 2018 @ 7:41pm 
LOSE⁉️🤔 I Will NEVER🚫🙅 Lose ❌ My Virginity 👉👌 Because I NEVER🙅🚫❌ Lose 😈🙌💪 Thank GOD 🙏😇💯
Shwy sups.gg Nov 1, 2017 @ 7:44pm 
A real friend does not send you money.
A real friend sends you 41 porn sites.
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+REP
Cruel Oct 20, 2017 @ 10:58pm 
he banged my wife -rep