Pepe Pera
Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil
 
 
Guard: Halt! Who goes there?
King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!
Guard: Pull the other one!
King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
Guard: What? Ridden on a horse?
King Arthur: Yes!
Guard: You're using coconuts!
King Arthur: What?
Guard: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.
King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
Guard: Where'd you get the coconuts?
King Arthur: We found them.
Guard: Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut's tropical!
King Arthur: What do you mean?
Guard: Well, this is a temperate zone.
King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
Guard: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.
Guard: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!
Guard: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
Guard: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
King Arthur: Please!
Guard: Am I right?
King Arthur: I'm not not interested!
[A second guard approaches the parapet]
Guard 2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
Guard 1: Oh yeah. An African swallow, maybe -- but not a European swallow, that's my point.
Guard 2: Oh yeah, I agree with that.
King Arthur: [exasperated] Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
Guard 1: But, of course, African swallows are non-migratory.
Guard 2: Oh, yeah.
[Arthur begins to depart]
Guard 1: ...So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
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NURSE #1: Mrs. Moore's contractions are more frequent, doctor!

OBSTETRICIAN: Good. Take her into the Foetus Frightening Room.

NURSE #1: Right.
[exciting music]

OBSTETRICIAN: Thum, thummm, thummm, thum, thummmm, thummmmmm. Thum, thummm. Thummm. Jolly good.
[music stops]

DOCTOR SPENSER: Bumm, bumm, bumm, bumm, bum--

OBSTETRICIAN: So, it's a bit bare in here today, isn't it?

DOCTOR SPENSER: Yes.

OBSTETRICIAN: Yes. More apparatus, please, nurse: the E.E.G., the B.P. monitor, and the A.V.V.

NURSE #1: Yes. Certainly, Doctor.

DOCTOR SPENSER: And, uh, get the machine that goes 'ping'.

OBSTETRICIAN: And get the most expensive machines, in case the administrator comes.
[clunk]
[exciting music]
That's it. Bring in the other machines. Right over here.

DOCTOR SPENSER: [whistling]

OBSTETRICIAN: That's it. Just behind me.
[music stops]
Lovely. Lovely. Jolly good. That's better. That's much, much better.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Yeahhh, that's more like it.

OBSTETRICIAN: Eehhh. Still something missing, though.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Hm?

OBSTETRICIAN: Hmmm. Mmmmm.
[snap]

OBSTETRICIAN and DOCTOR SPENSER: Patient!

OBSTETRICIAN: Yes.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Where's the patient?

OBSTETRICIAN: Anyone seen the patient?

DOCTOR SPENSER: Patient?

NURSE #1: Aah! Here she is.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Bring it over here.
[clank]
Mind the machines!

NURSE #1: Sorry, Doctor Spenser.

OBSTETRICIAN: Come along!

DOCTOR SPENSER: Come along.

NURSE #1: Jump up there. Up!

MRS. MOORE: Ehh.

OBSTETRICIAN: Hallo. Now, don't you worry.

DOCTOR SPENSER: We'll soon have you cured.

OBSTETRICIAN: Leave it all to us. You'll never know what hit you.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Good-bye!

OBSTETRICIAN: Good-bye.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Drips up!

OBSTETRICIAN: Injections!

DOCTOR SPENSER: Can I put the tube in the baby's head?

OBSTETRICIAN: Only if I can do the epesiotomy.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Okay.

OBSTETRICIAN: Okay. Uh, legs up! Doctor, come in. Come on in, all of you. That's it. Jolly good.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Come along.

OBSTETRICIAN: Come along. Spread 'round there. Uh, who are you?

MR. MOORE: I'm the husband.

OBSTETRICIAN: I'm sorry. Only people involved are allowed in here. All right.

MRS. MOORE: What do I do?

DOCTOR SPENSER: Mhm. Yes?

MRS. MOORE: What do I do?

DOCTOR SPENSER: Nothing, dear. You're not qualified!

OBSTETRICIAN: Leave it to us!

MRS. MOORE: What's that for?

OBSTETRICIAN: That's the machine that goes 'ping'.
[ping]
You see? That means your baby is still alive!

DOCTOR SPENSER: And that's the most expensive machine in the whole hospital!

OBSTETRICIAN: Yes, it cost over three quarters of a million pounds.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Aren't you lucky?!

NURSE #2: The administrator is here, doctor.

OBSTETRICIAN: Switch everything on!
[exciting music]
[ping]

MR. PYCROFT: Morning, gentlemen.

RANDOM: Morning.

MR. PYCROFT: Morning, gentlemen.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Morning!

OBSTETRICIAN: Morning, Mr. Pycroft.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Morning, Mr. Pycroft.

MR. PYCROFT: Oh, very impressive. Very impressive. And what are you doing this morning?
[music stops]

OBSTETRICIAN: It's a birth.

MR. PYCROFT: Aahh. What sort of thing is that?

DOCTOR SPENSER: Well, that's when we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy.

MR. PYCROFT: Wonderful what we can do nowadays.
[ping]
Aah! I see you have the machine that goes 'ping'. This is my favorite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to, and that way, it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.
[applause]
Thank you. Thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on.

NURSE #1: Ooh, the vulva's dilating, doctor.

OBSTETRICIAN: Oh, yes, there's the head. Yes, four centimetres. Five-- Six centimetres.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Lights!

OBSTETRICIAN: Amplify the 'ping' machine.
[ping]

DOCTOR SPENSER: Masks up!

OBSTETRICIAN: Suction!

DOCTOR SPENSER: Eyes down for a full house!

OBSTETRICIAN: Here it comes!

BABY: [crying]

OBSTETRICIAN: And... frighten it! Thank you.
[whock]

DOCTOR SPENSER: And the rough towels!

OBSTETRICIAN: Show it to the mother. That's enough.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Right! Sedate her!

OBSTETRICIAN: Number the child.

DOCTOR SPENSER: Measure it, blood type it, and isolate it!
[whump]

NURSE #1: Okay.
[clap clap]
Show's over.

OBSTETRICIAN: Jolly good.

RANDOM: [mumbling] ...everyone.

OBSTETRICIAN: Jolly good.

MRS. MOORE: Is it a boy or a girl?

OBSTETRICIAN: Now, I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression: 'P.N.D.', as we doctors call it. So, it's lots of happy pills for you, and you can find out all about the birth when you get home. It's available on Betamax, VHS, and Super Eight.
[ping]
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Marcelo Lomba Dec 9 @ 8:00pm 
sexto comentario do perfil do pepe
Azoek Oct 18 @ 9:48pm 
MAGIA DO GATINHO
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(。・ω・。)つ━☆・*。
⊂   ノ    ・゜+.
 しーJ   °。+ *´¨)
         .• ´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
          (¸.•´ (¸.•'* ☆ PRA PARAR DE SER NOOBZINHO

COLE ISSO NO PERFIL DO SEU AMIGUINHO
QUE PRECISA DE MAIS DEDINHO
Professor Poopy Pants Jul 1 @ 12:23am 
Girl: Do you think I'm pretty?
Boy: who ready for some timmie fun .
Girl: Do want to be with me forever?
Boy: who ready for some timmie fun .
Girl: Do u even like me?
Boy: who ready for some timmie fun .
Girl: Would u cry if i walked away?
Boy: who ready for some timmie fun .
She heard enough and was hurt... She walked away with tears in her eyes
The boy grabbed her arm
Boy: who ready for some timmie fun .
Boy: who ready for some timmie fun .
Boy: I dont like u...I love u
Boy: who ready for some timmie fun .
Boy Whispers: who ready for some timmie fun .
Girl: I will...
*Tonight at midnight who ready for some timmie fun .
*Something good will happen to u at 1-4pm
*Tomorrow it could be anywhere!!!
*Get ready for who ready for some timmie fun .
*If u dont post this to 5 other commen
snow* May 27 @ 12:49am 
Buizel chapado 1 de mai às 10:08
mano onde vc mora? quero te levar minha prima p vc engravidar ela
snow* May 23 @ 2:10pm 
lukc1337 11 de mai às 1:46
eu engravidei a Brenda ano passado, nos fizemos aborto com pregos
Professor Poopy Pants May 23 @ 9:40am 
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