"If you go to a restaurant and say ‘I would like a coke,’ and they say ‘What kind of coke would you like,’ and you say ‘Pepsi,’ you deserve to be blasted into the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sun because you’re an insane person." - Patrick Boivin

"Aim low, Aim so low noone'll even notice if you suceed."

“Kids don't require as much oxygen, that's why they're hard to smother!”

“I think an old black man beating the ♥♥♥♥ out of a kid with a cane is the best thing in the world.”

“I wish I could kick Goofy down the ♥♥♥♥♥♥' stairs. What an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.”

“I thought it felt like butterflies caressing my naked body... what the ♥♥♥♥ am I talking about?”

"I, Pat, am a tiny baby. Especially the penis."

“My girlfriend beat it for me while i cried.”

“You'd be amazed how gross things can be if they're just gross.”

“It's about experiencing things as we experience them... Like a pile of ♥♥♥♥.”

“Time to be a huge coward.”

"Every day is a day to wake up and curse SEGA for not localizing something."

“I’ve been told that the squirt of truth burns if you get it in your eye.”

“Hey, I’m not bleeding any more. This must be how girls feel!”

“If you can’t tell how old they are that’s how you know it’s good.”

“The decision has already been made poorly.”

“There's a certain nobility in lying in bed all day pretending things aren't the way they are.”

“I thought my soul was dead. Then I started watching Watamote.”

"How many kids do I have to strangle to get my mansion? Because the number I’d do is more than zero."

"The voting machine won’t let me vote for anyone but my twisted dark fantasy."

"You’ll never become the very best unless you become part of the problem."

"I’m pre-emotively failing this task."

"I saw a pigeon on my balcony the other day, it was ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥."

"I faked my whole life up until this point by not thinking things through."

"You know what kids of all ages enjoy? Graphic violence."

"So here’s what I do: My computer is connected to the internet. What I do is I pop open the DVD tray and put my ♥♥♥♥ in it."

"And that’s why I am the person who stands here before you today; dead. Just dead all up in here. In my soul."

"You know what sucks? Pepsi. #coke"

"That’s life now as we’re getting older. It becomes, “Well, I’m gonna sit here and wait for ♥♥♥♥ to hit me in the face. Oh, there it is. Delicious."

"When you set the bar so low that no one even cares, when you fail, no one cares."

——————————————————————————————————

“I'm counting really fast 'cause it's like, ♥♥♥♥.”
— after counting 5 seconds in 2 seconds

“Like, how else do you live in absolute decadence and wealth if not to eat and throw up over the peasants who have nothing?”

“It's my job to say 'I got this' then fail.”

“Stop being afraid of being wrong. Embrace being wrong, adjust your views constantly, and become the best version of you that you can before you die.”

“♥♥♥♥ is choppin'.”

“Matt, if I catch up to you and beat you, you've gotta pull your pants down and spank yourself.”

“DMX is going hollow.”

“The man train needs to be tight.”

“People change when they get boners.”

“My determination is rock hard, my Pokemon are rock hard… I’M ROCK HARD!”

“How far do you need to go for your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ boner?”

“You can't have Olympics unless you discriminate by race. That's silly.”

“Is that evident enough or do I have to clarify that that's not as ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up as it possibly could have sounded?”

——————————————————————————————————


"Self-inflicted rimshot."