"Got a wookie in the bushes, over."
- Generic Battlefield 3 Soldier

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Praise Kek, whichever god be with his soul.

- Malph 2023
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Welcome to my profile. Dunno why you're here, but there's nothing to see here. Shoo. (ノ＃`Д´)ノ

- Malph 2021

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Greetings! Often I find myself wondering just why I actually write anything here, but you? You have no reason to be here do you. Just stalking away, hunting your target. Mayhaps you thought me a smurf, maybe a hacker? Does it look like my profile is private to you? It doesn't does it, so thanks for the compliments.

That aside, if you're trying to find what I might be playing, maybe what kind of games I like. Well, you've come to the wrong place, 'cause I certainly don't like shooters, sims, or racing. For instance, COD is my ♥♥♥♥, the guns are all balanced, the maps are huge, and the bullet physics can just blow my mind. (They make Battlefield look like trash.) Oh, and forget Arma, psh. That one is the worst of the worst.

Now I don't know what you were hoping to find, but quite frankly, I hope you didn't find it. Now get the hell out of my profile, and don't invite me to any of your games. If you add me, I'll ignore you and go on about my life. If you don't, well I'll be the happiest man alive.

That said, if you've agreed with, or believed anything I've said up to now, you're a tool, and should definitely not talk to me. If not, well, you already know what you should do, don't you?

- Malph 2015