My name is Vladimir Putin. I'm 67 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Moscow, where all the Kremlin buildings are, and I am not married. I work as the president for the country of Russia, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink.

I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm vodka and doing about twenty minutes of gopnik squats before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a hibernating bear, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up.

I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any political enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with Russia , and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.