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45 of 89 (51%) achievements earned:

Personal Achievements
 
Unlocked Apr 18, 2015 @ 2:19am

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 3:50am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked Apr 18, 2015 @ 2:18am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked Apr 18, 2015 @ 2:29am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 11:09am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 12:20pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 2:21pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 4:02pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 4:11am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 12:09pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 1:51pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 3:03pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 4:54am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 1:37pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked Aug 1, 2018 @ 2:32am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked May 5 @ 7:35am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 9:57am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 4:50am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 5:04am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked May 5 @ 7:36am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 12:56pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked May 5 @ 4:47am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked Apr 18, 2015 @ 2:21am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 3:08pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked Apr 18, 2015 @ 2:21am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked May 5 @ 7:04am

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 2:48am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked Apr 18, 2015 @ 2:27am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 11:15am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked May 5 @ 5:58am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked Apr 18, 2015 @ 2:14am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 10:16am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked Apr 18, 2015 @ 2:26am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked May 5 @ 6:04am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 3:50pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked May 5 @ 8:22am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked Aug 1, 2018 @ 2:36am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked May 5 @ 5:57am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked May 5 @ 5:27am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked Aug 1, 2018 @ 2:42am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked Aug 1, 2018 @ 2:29am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked May 5 @ 5:14am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked Jul 31, 2018 @ 1:54pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 3:07pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked Jul 30, 2018 @ 11:56am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!



Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Gay

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
7 / 30

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
23 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
17 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
6 / 30

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
0 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
1 / 3

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
7 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
13 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
0 / 5,000

Reddit's Famous Double Dong

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
0 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+10

10 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked