Jay
Jay   Xiangkhoang, Laos
 
 
Would you crackers like to hear about the time I saw the loch ness monster?

Must have been about 7, 8 years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat ya see, all alone at night. When all of a sudden this huge creature, a giant crustacean from the paleolithic era, comes outta the water.
It stood above us lookin down with these big red eyes! and I yelled, i said,
"What d'ya want from us monster?!"
and the monster bent down and said,
"I need about tree fiddy."
Well I said,
"I ain't given you no tree fiddy you god damn loch ness monster! Get your own god damn money!"
_______________________________________________________
Then one time, I believe it was August. There was a knock on the door, I opened it and there was this cute little girl scout, oh she was so adorable with the little pigtails and all. And she said to me,
"How would like to buy some cookies?"
and I said,
"Well what kinds d'ya have?"
She had thin mints, gram crunchy thins, raisin oat meal. And I said,
"We'll take a gram crunch. How much'll that be?"
And she looked at me and said,
"I'll need about tree fiddy."
Well it was about that time that I noticed this 'girl scout' was about 8 storeys tall and was a crustacean from the paleolithic era. The loch ness monster. I said,
"Dammit monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't given you no tree fiddy!"
It said,
"How about just two fiddy?"
I said,
"Ohh now it's only two fiddy?! What is there a sale on loch ness munchies 'r somethin'?!"
God damn I was angry!
_______________________________________________________
Then another time these aliens had me up on there ship right. They was probin' me and all that. Now then this alien had a big head and big black eyes and it was all bent over me. I said,
"What d'ya want from me alien!?"
And do you know what he said?
Tree fiddy.
And so I realised it wasn't no alien, it was that goddamn loch ness monster again tryin' to trick me into given him tree fiddy by dressin' up as an alien.
Don't that just beat all?!

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Last Online 1 hrs, 58 mins ago
The Truth.
There are allegedly around 6.5 millions Finns, right? That's out of 7.125 billion humans. That means Finns make up 0.0912% of the planet.
Thats not 9%---that's point zero nine percent, less than a percent.
To put it another way, 99.9% of the planet are not Finns. How do we know this? Government censuses.
Now, the best government censuses have a margin of error of at least 1%. So Finns make up 0.0912% of the planet, plus or minus one percent
In conclusion: there is a 50/50 chance Finland doesn't exist.

The Finland conspiracy states that Finland is not a real country. Not only is it not a real country but there is actually no landmass there at all, and the space between Sweden and Russia is actually empty ocean.
Now I realize that this notion seems ridiculous but that is why the conspiracy works, and why people are afraid to speak out against the existence of Finland, so I would ask you to approach the evidence I put forward here with an open mind.
Finland was first created some time during the Cold War between Russia and the West. It was also around this time that environmentalism and the idea of preserving our planet was really taking off, and it is due to both of those things that two of the main players in the Finland conspiracy came to work closely with each other, Russia and Japan.
Japan-Soviet relations had always been shaky at best, but also incredibly secretive. Even as early as 1925 Japan and the Soviet Union had secret deals with each other regarding fishing rights between the two countries, with the Soviet Union giving up much of it's fishing rights to Japan with seemingly no explanation as to why.
These secretive treaties and alliances continued right up until just before the fall of the Soviet Union, Gorbachev made trips to Japan months before the fall of the Soviet Union stating the entire time how the relations between them were improving, even when Soviet relations with the rest of the world were worsening.
In fact the entire past 100 years of Japanese-Russian relations bring up many unanswered questioned.
Why at the height of WW2, were the battles between these two countries minimal despite being on opposing sides?
Why did Japan sign a peace treaty with Russia in 1941, just months before their allies, Germany, went to war with Russia?
Why were relations between Japan and Russia always good throughout the Cold War, despite the major geopolitical differences between the countries, and close geographical positions that you think would cause tensions?
The answer is simple, they shared a common secret. A common asset that worked in both of their favours. And that asset was Finland.
It's unclear when Finland was first thought up, some say it was during the Cold War, and others say it was as far back as the 1920's, but the necessity of Finland is quite simple.
Japan can fish in the region of ocean between Sweden and Russia without worry for environmental repercussions, after all, nobody's going to expect fishing regulations to be broken in a place where everyone thinks there's a landmass will they? And in return Russia get a percentage of the fish to distribute amongst their populace.
It's a simple case of fishing the Finnish Sea, transporting it across Russia, (that was the real reason for the construction of the Trans-Siberian railway by the way), and then shipping it from the Eastern Russian coast to Japan under the disguise of 'Nokia' products.
This is why Nokia is the largest 'Finnish' company, and it is also why Japan is the largest importer of Nokia products, despite the fact that very few people own Nokia phones in the country.
There are clearly some unanswered questions to this conspiracy that I'll try and address below.
1- What about Finnish people? Are they all in on the conspiracy?
A. No. People from Finland genuinely believe they're from Finland. In reality they are from small towns on either the Eastern part of Sweden, the Western part of Russia, or the Northern part of Estonia.
2- What about all of Finland's other exports other than Nokia?
A. Finland's three biggest, and three most well known areas of industry are Oil, Tech, and Software. The oil is gathered in offshore platforms where the rest of us believe the landmass of Finland is, (again the Japanese get to avoid rigging regulations in this respect), the Tech companies have already been explained above with the Nokia post, and Software companies can easily redirect their IP Address through the Finnish sea. As for other Finnish exports, well, claiming Santa comes from your country isn't a viable way to get people to believe in it.
3- What about Helsinki? That is an enormous city on the world stage.
A. Helsinki is located in Eastern Sweden. It's not like the people flying there would notice.
4- What about everywhere else in Finland? There's a lot to it and it couldn't all be made up.
A. 99% of Finland is forest. A lot of it doesn't need to be accounted for when addressing Finnish geography.
5- Why do other countries go along with it?
A. At first it was a sign of goodwill between Western Countries and the Soviet Union. A bargaining chip that could be played. But Finland has since evolved to something much more. An idealistic placeholder for what countries should aspire to. No real country could so consistently place first in Education, Healthcare, Gender Equality, Literacy Rates, National Stability, The least corrupt government in the world, Freedom of the press. It's a concept for countries and people to aspire to. But that's where the problems about Finland's existence is disputed. no country in the world can possibly be that good.
6- Why the name Finland?
A. The country was originally made for fishing. What do fish have? Fins. Thus Finland.
7- What about the Finnish language?
A. Look up the similarities between Japanese and Finnish. It may surprise you how similar they are. Which is weird considering the vast distances between them.
8- I'm Finnish and your attack on my people and culture is insulting.
A. I'm not insulting Finnish people or culture. I don't even deny that there is Finnish culture. When you have a collective of a few million people identifying as Finnish then of course a culture will be built around it. I'm simply saying that that the landmass of Finland isn't actually there. It doesn't mean there can't be a culture or identity of being Finnish however.
9- This is an enormous conspiracy to keep secret, how could nobody else of realized it?
A. Other people have realized it. But imagine the ridiculousness of the statement 'I don't believe Finland exists'. Even if we did have undeniable proof of something put in front of us we would still hold the opinion that most of our friends, family, and acquaintances hold to not disrupt social convention. It's part of the human condition.
10- What about GPS and Satellite Images?
A. It's manipulated and forged. In the parts of Estonia, Sweden, and Russia that are allocated as 'Finnish zones' the GPS locations are changed to match that of Finland. Satellite images are forged.

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