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Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be 2 of them, now it's just a sensitive subject.

Taking candy from a baby is actually a responsible thing to do.

If you have PHd, every meeting becomes a doctor's appointment.

Whoever proof-read Hitler's speeches was literally a grammar Nazi.

In Toy Story, if one of the toys dies, do the other toys watch Andy play with their corpses?

Would you put a suit of armor in an armoire?

If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt.

Race car backwards is race car. But race car sideways is how Paul Walker died. FeelsBadMan

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under 13, do them in your head

They say laughter is the best medicine. So if we keep laughing at people with downs and/or autism they might get better.

My love life is like Blackjack... always hit on 16

I've played Counter-Strike since 2004 started with 1.6 and CSS and I was extremely addicted. Going to school jiggle peeking in the hallways, I always quick switched with my pencils and erasers when taking tests. I remember back in elementary school I used to bhop during hopscotch because that was big in early CSS days before zblock was added. Once I go home I would play instantly and went straight to to bed without noticing I skipped dinner. I would use my imaginary awp and awp people on the swing set from the jungle gym during recess. Now, I am a global elite, top of my class. Every single day I pray to Gaben, god bless him, to give me a good drop. Sometimes when I drive I see birds flying and turn away because of my cs instincts. I almost killed my mom and I. I am second to none, so if you see me in your game prepare for defeat you motherfucker.

My ish