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9 of 10 (90%) achievements earned:

Personal Achievements
 

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Unlocked Nov 12, 2015 @ 7:06am

Click on door 430 five times.

Click on door 430 five times.
Unlocked Nov 12, 2015 @ 7:50am

Achievement

This is an achievement.
Unlocked Nov 12, 2015 @ 5:14am

Welcome back!

Quit the game and then start it again.
Unlocked Nov 12, 2015 @ 7:56am

Speed run

Complete The Stanley Parable in under 4 minutes 22 seconds (not including load times)
Unlocked Nov 12, 2015 @ 7:45am

You can't jump

No seriously, we disabled it.
Unlocked Nov 12, 2015 @ 5:18am

Go outside

Don't play The Stanley Parable for five years.
Unlocked Aug 14 @ 4:01am

Beat the game

Complete The Stanley Parable.
Unlocked Nov 12, 2015 @ 7:45am

Unachievable

It is impossible to get this achievement.
Unlocked Nov 12, 2015 @ 8:38am



Commitment

Play The Stanley Parable for the entire duration of a Tuesday.