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29 of 29 (100%) achievements earned:

Personal Achievements
 
Unlocked Jun 30, 2015 @ 9:43am

ACHIEVEMENT WHORE

Unlock all achievements
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 6:23pm

1-800-CLEARED

Finish the game
Unlocked Jun 29, 2015 @ 9:53pm

1-800-GETHELP

Finish the game on hard mode
Unlocked Jun 27, 2015 @ 11:08pm

1-800-GODDAMN

Get A+ on all levels on normal
Unlocked Jun 7, 2015 @ 11:57am

NUCLEAR WASTE

They won't reach the Nuclear Throne
Unlocked Jun 4, 2015 @ 2:16pm

FANTASTIC!

Unlock all the Fans
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 1:38pm

THESE ARE MY RIFLES, THESE ARE MY GUNS...

Unlock all weapons for the Soldier
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 1:10pm

SNAKE CHARMER

Unlock all snake masks
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 5:44pm

WHAT YOU LEAVE FOR YOUR SONS

Unlock all of the Son's techniques
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 6:31pm

FANATIC

Clear a level with each Fan
Unlocked Jun 7, 2015 @ 1:32pm

FAMILY BUSINESS

Clear a level with each of the Son's techniques
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 7:04pm

SNAKES ON A HEAD

Clear a level with each snake mask
Unlocked Jun 8, 2015 @ 4:26pm

DON'T LET ANGER GET THE BEST OF YOU

Clear all of the Writer's levels without killing
Unlocked Jun 8, 2015 @ 4:45pm

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

Get the big picture
Unlocked Jun 7, 2015 @ 12:06pm

A BOX FULL OF SHARP OBJECTS

Use every weapon in the game at least once
Unlocked Jun 7, 2015 @ 11:53am

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE

Destroy 100 electronic devices
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 6:01pm

KARMA

Die 1000 times
Unlocked Jun 30, 2015 @ 9:43am

GENOCIDE

Kill 50,000 enemies
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 7:11pm

GOT YOUR BACK

Shoot two enemies during a chainsaw finish
Unlocked Jun 7, 2015 @ 1:05pm

FOLLOW THE SCRIPT

Do as the Director says!
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 7:16pm

ASSASSIN'S CRED

Clear the 1st floor of NO MERCY with the silencer
Unlocked Jun 7, 2015 @ 12:55pm

DEAD SILENT

Finish SUBWAY without the Gang Leader seeing you
Unlocked Jun 4, 2015 @ 3:03pm

I'M COMING IN AND I'M UNARMED!

Finish HOMICIDE without using guns
Unlocked Jun 7, 2015 @ 1:03pm

STARE INTO THE ABYSS

Unlock THE ABYSS
Unlocked Jun 8, 2015 @ 4:11pm

THE BAR OF BROKEN HEROES

Meet up with the Biker
Unlocked Jun 4, 2015 @ 1:18pm

COMBO BEGINNER

Perform a 5x combo
Unlocked Jun 6, 2015 @ 9:20am

COMBO INTERMEDIATE

Perform a 10x combo
Unlocked Jun 7, 2015 @ 12:11pm

COMBO MASTER

Perform a 15x combo
Unlocked Jun 7, 2015 @ 12:42pm

COMBO GOD

Perform a 20x combo