TheTerribleFPSPlayer
Boosh   New South Wales, Australia
 
 
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.

The 1999 Toyota Corolla.

Let's talk about features.

Bluetooth: nope

Sunroof: nope

Fancy wheels: nope

Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ neck that can turn.

Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a ♥♥♥♥ and ignored it. It went away. The End.

You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ start right up.

This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.

Things this car is old enough to do:

Vote: yes

Consent to sex: yes

Rent a car: it IS a car

This car's got history. It's seen some ♥♥♥♥. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Volkswagen would.

Interesting facts:

This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey.

In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"

You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.

Favorite food: spaghetti

Favorite tv show: Alf

Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms

This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.

When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."

Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 1999 Toyota Corolla.
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Im 21 Years old and i mainly play CS:GO atm, im not consistent at all and if youre reading this you are most likely on my profile to +rep me for playing really well in a comp, or to completely bash me for how ♥♥♥♥ i am. ill Accept most peope as long as you aren't a ♥♥♥♥.
Happy travels.



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Deftones - Around The Fur Sep 24 @ 8:16am 
rep+ good manners
I lvoe andrewtate May 12, 2020 @ 11:30pm 
+rep wants the birthday ♥♥♥♥
Green May 7, 2019 @ 12:16am 
-rep
Sandy THE Star Dec 31, 2017 @ 9:24pm 
Hello! I am clearing out my friends list which means I am removing everyone. Feel free to add me back, although, it may take me a day or two to accept. Have a good day! [:
Mr. Okay Sep 14, 2017 @ 2:31pm 
hello, you got experience with "Linkin LEVEL UP BOT"? - add me pls :Dogeface:
Kesawi Jun 30, 2017 @ 5:09am 
+rep Good mate, great player when hot!