whomst'd've'lu'yaint'nt'ed'ies's'y'es'nt't're'ing'able'tic'ive'al'nt'ne'm'll'ble'al'ny'less'w'ck'k'ly'py'nd'idy'ety'st'ged'ful'ish'ng'my'ous

B U T W H A T I F I U S E M Y D I S T I L L E D W A T E R S H I E L D A N D K I L L H I M W I T H H I S O W N L A S E R

( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

I C A N S E E T H E S T A T U E O F L I B E R TY F R O M H E R E

is that a 「 Ｐ ｅ ｐ ｓ ｉ ｍ ａ ｎ 」 reference?

ｕｎｄｅｒｓｔａｎｄａｂｌｅ

YOU HAVEN'T HAD A REAL CASUAL GAME UNTIL YOU HAVE A GUY GET SO MAD AT YOU THAT HE ADDS YOU AND SENDS YOU GAY PORN.

HOW TO CUT THE TRAIN IN GTA WITH A 1000 DEGREE GLOWING FIDGET SPINNER (GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL) (IN THE HOOD) (BLOOD WARNING) (ACTUAL BOOBS???) (ALMOST ARRESTED) (ALMOST DIED) (ALMOST RAPED) (NEARLY CUT MYSELF) (LOST BOTH OF MY LEGS??!??!?!?) (GF GETS PREGNANT) (GONE RIGHT) (GONE LEFT) (EPIC) (INSANE) (NOT
CLICKBAIT)

im ready 2 see this tall 17 year old who looks like he finished the entire whey protein shake factory for breakfast get hurt for 6 minutes

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Grab me on the part of my body on the end of one of my limbs commonly known as 'hand' and guide me to the metaphorical land that is actually the ocean that you comprehend better than I do because you live there, and you are commonly known as the "Ocean Man".

IT'S AN ENEMY STAND!**THE ENEMY STAND IS HIDING INSIDE THE CANTEEN!

IF YA DO THE THING AND YOU DO IT RIGHT AND YA DONT FUCK IT UP, IT WORKS.

The Big Bang was just two Beyblades colliding

when your son is painting cooked severed legs in a bucket

I once got a fortune cookie which, for some reason, said "There are bananas behind you."
There were.

you can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter

When you picture yourself killing things, how do you go about it?

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.