BerZerkerJack
Jack   Mecklenburg-Vorpommern, Germany
 
 
Currently Offline
Last Online 8 hrs, 55 mins ago
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oblivion mods in a nutshell
Multay Jan 4 @ 1:55pm 
:steamsalty::steamsalty::steamsalty:
iRemilia Nov 9, 2018 @ 5:21am 
I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200.

I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
iRemilia Nov 9, 2018 @ 5:21am 
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.

Although humourous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
iRemilia Nov 9, 2018 @ 5:20am 
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odour wasn't improving.
iRemilia Nov 9, 2018 @ 5:20am 
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell they were lying.

Ingrates.

So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.
iRemilia Sep 22, 2018 @ 11:07am 
Exalted Orb is quickly becoming one of my favorite orbs. It's just so positive and generous. Practically costs nothing at all you drop him in your stash and that chill♥♥♥♥♥mofo just sits there and gives a nice golden shine to your currency tab. But more than that the Exalted Orb is just so positive. It drops from a mob like "do you want to get rich?" and I'm like "yeah Exalted Orb i do want to get rich let's do this♥♥♥♥♥♥ and when he drops he's like "MONEYS ARE FUN" and I'm like "yeah they are SO FUN." He doesn't say some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥t macho♥♥♥♥♥♥like "I will make you ♥♥♥♥ing rich" he's just like "nah getting moneys is fun." And it looks so happy. I mean this is an inanimate object literally brought to life by magic. It understands it's life is a temporary magical gift and the dude is just ♥♥♥♥ing loving it. I mean look at his face he's just so happy. I am literally never sad when Exalted Orb drops.