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25 years of gaming experience and counting...I also have a huge stash of cards that I'm willing to trade so don't hesitate to send trade offers my way.

I'm also a huge cinema lover. Akira Kurosawa, Quentin Tarantino, Ingmar Bergman, Federico Fellini, Luis Buñuel, Chan-Wook Park, Takeshi Kitano, Fritz Lang, Masaki Kobayashi, Martin Scorsese, John Ford, Woody Allen, Lars Von Trier, Wong Kar Wai, Stanley Kubrick and the Cohen Bros. are among my favorite directors.:gunslinger:

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With it's sticky tongue wedge firmly in cheek, Goat Simulator has trotted onto Steam, kicking and headbutting it's way into cult game status with it's absurd four legged hijinx. Over the past few years the simulation game market has taken a page from Reality TV and has attempted to adapt every imaginable banal blue collar occupation into a video game. The men and women who lead quiet lives of desperation as lumberjacks, farmers, truck driver, warehouse logistics managers and car mechanics have all been memorialized with insipid games that are mostly purchased by the same people who wear socks with sandals, have closets full of sweater vests and fastidiously maintain button collections. A few games have masked themselves as simulators but have delivered hilarious facsimiles of what they aim to simulate and perhaps the most absurd of these is Goat Simulator.

Capra aegagrus hircus, the domestic goat; hero of goat simulator. This four legged beast yearns to escape from his suburban backyard confinement, to be free to lick and kick and headbutt to his heart's content. Utilizing this creature's amazing dexterity, unparalleled agility and immense headbutting strength you must roam and conquer the lands held by homo sapiens... Or something like that. Goat Simulator doesn't attempt to have a plot, instead it places players in the middle of a suburban sandbox allowing them to roam around and use their bearded four legged monstrosity to complete a list of objectives and rack up points. Imagine playing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater without a time limit and instead of riding a skateboard, you filled the trotters of a barn yard creature... It's completely absurd and for the first hour or so a complete riot. The ragdolls and animations are intentionally ridiculous and the things your goat is able to do seem to have been the result of the the development team brainstorming while high and watching a Jackass marathon. Wearing a jetpack, sacrificing humans to satan, bouncing on trampolines, getting abducted by aliens and headbutting protestors are all normal Goat simulator activities. It's not a game that's meant to be taken seriously in the least. It's designed for pure hedonism and escapism.

That said, Goat Simulator is not without surprises however. Few other modern games encourage exploration and experimentation in the same way that Goat Simulator does. The list of objectives can be tackled in any order and bumbling around the map uncovers secrets and Easter eggs. There are a few special items lying around that can prove useful and these are not highlighted in any way giving players a welcome surprise when they are able to pick them up and use them. Pretty much any and every object of interest that you can see can be reached in some way. A jetpack can allow you to clumsily propel your bearded barn yard dwelling beast through the air while a pitching machine can allow your goat to fling baseballs at people and, if you are creative, glide. There are two reasonably large areas to explore containing more than the asking price's worth of things to see and ruin.

When it comes to ruin, there are a few flaws that present themselves and diminish players desire to live out their wildest fantasies as a goat. The controls, and in particular the camera, are a bit sloppy making some moments where more precise movement is required a bit taxing. The camera has a tendency to clip through some walls making navigating tight spaces a chore. Controlling the bike is initially frustrating since it uses the mouse to steer and this simultaneously operates the camera. More vexing is the way multiple special abilities and mutators stack. By completing special actions your goat earns special abilities and these abilities are almost always mapped to the same key. There is no way to toggle between what special ability is active so each time you attempt to use a special ability several things happen simultaneously. For instance, there is a mutator that allows you to summon sperm whales from the sky and if you also have the mutator that allows you to drop Minecraft style blocks you will find that each time you toggle what type of block you wish to deploy moby ♥♥♥♥ drops from the sky like some sort of divine curse cluttering the area. What's worse, creatures that are summoned do not despawn and after a while this will take a toll on your frame rate.

The developer of Goat Simulator has consciously neglected to fix any bugs that don't affect the stability of the game simply for amusement purposes. The problem is that physics bugs are the to video games what fart jokes are to cinema—decidedly low brow and with each cheap laugh the return is greatly diminished. Within the first hour, most players will exhaust the game of all it's humor leaving only the appeal of discovering what lies in the game world's nooks and crannies. Physics bugs are not the only imperfections that linger in goat simulator, some surfaces can be clipped through and may leave players trapped. Fortunately, a respawn option keeps any progress from being lost. A single horrible looping track makes up most of the soundtrack in Goat Simulator and makes playing for more than an hour or two nearly impossible. There are some additional tracks in specific areas of the game world but they don't offer much of a reprieve from the obnoxious primary track. Needless to say many players will have a love hate relationship with the games very deliberate lack of polish.

Being an urbanite, I must confess to knowing nothing about goats going into goat Simulator and after putting a half dozen hours into it I still know nothing about goats. That's just as well since the low brow laughs and stupidity provided by Goat Simulator are far more welcome than what sweater vest wearing button collectors might demand from such a title. The decision to keep this simulator rough around the edges works against it as much as for it but at the end of the day this clunky little title provides sufficient amusement to justify its asking price.
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Aleal Jan 1 @ 3:32pm 
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:yay: WISH YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL 2018 :yay:
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Lydz Dec 15, 2017 @ 12:29am 

Have a great winter :sc_snowman:
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Aleal Nov 12, 2017 @ 9:16am 
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Happy Birthday!