Axioms of Five Top

DRIFTDOLL — Sat, 28 May 2011 00:18:53 +0000

Five Top has new Axioms. They are as follows.

1. Five Top now has six members. And yes, all six of us still go top, despite that there can only be five members on a team at a time.

2. All in-game communication via the chatbox must be in the form of acronyms only. Abbreviations are not acronyms. Example: "Mid MIA" is not a true acronym; "MMIA" is acceptable. Acronymic abbreviations such as "WW" when referring to Warwick will be allowed to slide. Excessive use of "OMW" is encouraged, but the acronym "OMW" must be used in /all chat only.

3. Following good scripting convention, a semicolon (;) must be appended to each line in the chatbox. Chatbox entries that are not appended with a semicolon will be regarded as garble and will not be acknowledged.

4. If the Champion you are playing has a Dance that appears sexual or humorous in any way, you must /d at both the beginning and the end of the game. If your Dance is sexual, you must /d your lane's Turret until the first wave of Minions has met.

5. If you play Jax, you must have skill.

6. If you play Blitzcrank, you must steal all of Jax's kills.

7. If you play Cho'Gath, you must mid. If you play Galio, you must mid.

8. If you play Heimerdinger, you must spend the entire game healing lane Turrets.

9. If you play Sona, you must laugh hysterically all game as if someone who no one else can hear is talking to you.

10. If you play Pantheon, you must yell, "SPARTA!" when you use your Mandrop Ultimate. If you play Garen or Jarvan IV, you must yell, "DEMACIA!" when you use your Ultimate. If you play Lux, you must also yell, "DEMACIA," but must do so in a falsetto voice.

11. If you play Lee Sin, you must be blindfolded.

12. Karthus Ultimates may be called at will, even when there is no Karthus in the game.

13. After each successful team fight (where success is equal to > 50% team survivability rate), each member of the team must play Piano Rolls of Roswell Landing in Skype. If you are not currently running FruityLoops Studio 9.1.0, you must simulate Roswell Landing with your voice.

14. If you seek Dargon and find that he is not home, you must call him on Skype and say, "Yo is this Dargon?"

15. If at any point during the game you solo Baron Nashor, you are officially on a first-name basis with him.

16. If the other team follows suit and remains in a single lane all game, a special set of Axioms applies:
16a. Recalling to the Spawnpool (b'ing) is prohibited. You may only leave the lane and return to the Spawnpool if you are slain.
16b. If you are slain, you must immediately return to the lane. Entering the forest for any reason is prohibited. However, grass areas within the lane are fair game (in-lane grass and river grass at top and bottom lanes, and river grass at middle lane).
16c. All team members still push only top lane, even when we don't.

17. If the majority of the other team suffers extreme network issues or refuses to play in any way leading to under- or unleveled opponents, a separate special set of Axioms applies:
17a. Killing enemy Champions is strictly prohibited. Fatal damage can only focus enemy Minions, Turrets, Inhibitors, and the enemy Nexus.
17b. If you inadvertently slay an enemy Champion, you must immediately Humiliate yourself at either Dargon or at Baron Nashor, if the elapsed game time is greater than 15:00.
17bi. If you inadvertently successfully slay Baron Nashor, you must immediately Recall and remain at the Spawnpool for the remainder of the game.
17c. If you are Tryndamere, you must continually Humiliate yourself at Baron Nashor for the entirety of the game.
17ci. If you successfully slay Baron Nashor, you may instantaneously kill everything on the opposing team, including the enemy Nexus.

Axioms of Five Top, Continued

DRIFTDOLL — Sat, 28 May 2011 00:18:43 +0000

18. If you are playing abnormally well (where well is equal to > 20 kills), you must sell all of your items for an Intelligent Troll-Build. Examples of an Intelligent Troll-Build are as follows:
18a. Pistolero: All items must be Hextech Revolvers and unique Legendary Items into which the Hextech Revolver builds (Will of the Ancients and the Hextech Gunblade). You may have one pair of Boots and one of each Legendary Item, but each subsequent item must be a Hextech Revolver (despite the recent patch fix to the Hextech Revolver resulting in its +20% Spell Vamp being a Unique Passive attribute). Each time you gain a kill, you must yell, "PEESTOLERRO!" in a Spanish accent and must type "PISTOLERO" in /all chat.
18b. Warmog: All items must be Warmog's Armor. You may have one pair of Boots.
18c. Tiamat: All items must be the Tiamat. You may have one pair of Boots. Bring a mop.
18ci. If you are playing Kog'Maw, your lane will be a Slip-'n'-Slide.
18d. Jax, The Grandmaster of Evasion ("Jax? I hardly know her!"): All items must be Ninja Tabi. All items.
As with all Intelligent Troll-Builds, all Consumable Items are allowed.

19. Finally, as stated in Axiom 16c, all team members must go top, even when we don't.

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Axioms of Five Top

Axioms of Five Top, Continued